Is it Over Yet?

Totally unrelated to what I'm about to write: If you're looking at my 101 books list I did read A Mercy by Toni Morrison in between the Shack and Myself, My Enemy but since it didn't meet my minimum 200 pg requirement I can't add it to the list. Back to our regularly scheduled programming.......

I just really wish Christmas would be over. I don't mind the real reason for the holiday but I just really don't like commericialized Christmas. It used to be fun to go buy gifts for everyone. This year I went to two malls.

My experience at the first one: I went last saturday and my biggest purpose for going to this one was to take the boy to see Santa because they have a nicer set-up at that mall than they do at the local one. We get there, fight for a parking spot for 45 minutes and finally find one that isn't 10 miles from the mall. We go in and immediately get in a LOOONNNG line for Santa. Two hours later we finally get to see the jolly old fat guy for a bargain price of $40 in order for me to get enough pictures for the whole family. All the time we're waiting there are people cutting through the Santa line to get to the theater because they are too freakin' lazy to walk around to the other side of the Santa thing where there is NO line. There are also the other morons who come up to where the gap is for letting the first set of movie going morons through and try to get in line there because "Oh, so sorry, didn't realize the line that stretches halfway around the foodcourt was the Santa line. I thought this was the back of it". Ever tried to stand in a line for two hours with an impatient four year old? Not fun. He did pretty good though considering. By the time we got through all that we both had to go to the bathroom so we did that and boy says he's hungry and wants a snack so I take him down to Auntie Anne's pretzels. We get in that line where, again, MORONS who don't realize that the line is going sideways instead of straight out so people can actually get through, try to cut the line. So we finally get our pretzels and we can't find anywhere to sit to eat them so we end up sitting on the floor on our jackets across from Macy's. Our second purpose in the mall being to get presents for everyone so we go to the lower level to get one of those toddler carts for boy so he doesn't have to keep walking everywhere. People were being very pushy while walking around and I was getting sick of them running into the poor child and almost knocking him down and then just moving on like nothing happened. So we get downstairs to get a cart and its $5 and they generously give you ONE whole dollar back when you return the cart. Can we say ripoff? I get the cart and we look around the whole crowded mall and do not find one thing for anyone. I get down to the end with the Starbucks kiosk and get in line as everyone knows Starbucks is my anti-homicidal medicine and at this point I needed it. The people already in line had the line going the wrong way- like past where you're supposed to pick up the drinks. The lady at the counter asked that if we were in line to order, please make the line going the other way. Well I am the only one that actually did what she asked, effectively losing my place in line while everyone else ignored her. I had had enough at this point and we returned the cart and headed to our car. Then the fun really began. I had to circle the mall 5 times in order to find a way out because it was so congested and by time I did a whole hour had passed. People are in total asshole gear this time of year and think its a crime against humanity if they have to stop their vehicles and let someone coming off one of the aisles in. So we head home. I drop boy off with the hubby and decide to go to the other mall in town.
My experience there: not nearly as bad actually but I couldn't find one thing there either that I thought anyone would like. It doesn't help that the only person in my family I'm shopping for is my dad while my husband's family is 15 people and I don't know what any of them like but I'm the one stuck doing the shopping every year. I finally said screw this, everyone is getting gift cards. We went out wednesday night to the store and bought everyone except the two younger kids in the family gift cards. I still have to go back out sometime this weekend and finish shopping for my son.
I realize part of the reason for my issues with shopping is my experience in Iraq which has caused my fear of crowds. Everytime I get in a crowded place I get all anxious and sweaty and on edge and it feels like I'm going to pass out. Kind of feels like the crowd is closing in on me and I don't like it. I actually flinch when people accidentally touch me in a mall and if they press up against me in a line, my first reaction is pure defense mode. I've been lucky I have been able to catch myself and haven't tossed some poor sap on the floor in one of my panics.
Also I've realized that just the three month run between december and february has been generally bad for me so its no wonder I'm always so stressed out and down in the dumps this time of year. I had a miscarriage in December fo 02' right before we deployed to Iraq. February 13th of '03 I had to put my cat I had for 13 years to sleep because he had cancer. February 27th of the same year I got on a plane to Iraq to spend what would be the most miserable year of my life. I came back in February of '04. On New Years day of '05 I lost my mom to lung cancer. Thankfully nothing too horrible has happened in the past couple of years but I think those things right there were enough to pretty much kill this time of year for me indefinitely. The only thing that saves the holiday for me: my son, of course. Watching him open the presents on Christmas definitely lessens the feelings I have towards this time of year.
And with that, I hope everyone does have a good Holiday :)