I really need about a week off just to sit around and do nothing. Unfortunately I am not going to get that luxury anytime this year because my job is a government contract position and the contract was taken over by a new company on the 2nd of January. What this means for me is that since a new company has the contract, even though I've been working for the GR Recruiting Company since October of 2005, its like starting a brand new job which means I have to wait til my probation period is over with this company for my benefits to kick in (no big deal as I am covered under Chris' insurance) AND I am not allowed vacation for the first year of employment with the new company. Yep. Thats right. No time off for an entire year save the 10 federal holidays that we get off a year. I decided that since there was no chance for a real vacation this year that I would plan something for one of the three day weekends that I was going to have.
I have a timeshare that Chris and I bought into and have been paying on since April of 2004. Since then we've regretted our decision in buying it because we're paying out $250 a month until the 17,000 loan is payed off on it and in the almost 3 years we've had it we have yet to use it. For anyone out there that is considering buying a timeshare I recommend that you do not go through one of the companies that actually sells them as you will be paying alot of money for a piece of propery that has a resale value of about 10% what you bought it for. Once you buy a timeshare they are really difficult to get rid of. Believe me we've tried. We had two different companies rip us off to the tune of $1,200, promising that they would sell it for us and for a good price, in 6 weeks or less. They took our money and ran. Anyway our property is deeded for a resort in the Smoky Mountains in Seiverville, TN but since we are Fairshare Plus members we can use our annual allocation of points for any resort or affiliate resort they have. We can also use the points towards cruises, airline tickets, rental cars, and hotels. I decided to use our points for this year to get a hotel in Chicago over memorial day weekend.
I figured this would be a nice weekend getaway. We're going to be staying at the Four Points by Sheraton which judging by the online reviews I've read is a nice hotel in a great location (magnificent mile!). Normally hotels in the magnificent mile area cost a whole lotta cash (which we ain't got...). The particular room that we reserved for our stay is normally $245 a night but since I used my points all I have to pay is a $35 service charge. Not too bad of a deal I think. Now all that is left to do is to decide out of all the things to do in Chicago, what do we want to cram into 3 days.
Here are the ones I'm thinking of: I want to go the Navy Pier, the Children's museum for Chucky, Lincoln Park Zoo, Shedd Aquarium, the Sears Tower, The Museum of Science and Industry and the Field Museum. Nevermind that the last two you could take up and entire day for each. Not likely that we'll be able to see all that while we're there but we sure can try. They also have a chicago city pass which gives you admission to 5 tourist attractions in Chicago that combined would normally run just under $100 per person to the bargain price of $49. Since I'm all about saving money (I'm one of those people that can squeeze a nickel until a booger shoots out of Jefferson's nose, or until the buffalo shits depending on what kind of nickel you have) I'm really thinking this would be a good deal for us to snatch up two city passes. Lucky for us at his age Chucky gets in to just about everything for free. Well I have almost four months to figure it out anyway.
In other exciting news, it is already late and I will be hitting the books until at least 2 am because I am STILL trying to catch up. I'm to the point where I have no choice now. I either pull it together and finish out the last three weeks strong or I fail the class and throw away $700. So guess i had better get to it.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
My Son the Actor
Its easy to forget how sensitive kids are when they're little. We were putting our darling Chucky to bed tonight and he was being a stubborn little turd. I picked him up to put him in bed and he reared his head back and headbutted me right in the jaw. It hurt really bad. Chris heard my yelp of pain and came to see what was wrong. I told him and he looked at Chucky and told him "You're a naughty boy. You hurt your momma. Daddy's mad at you he's leavin!" and he walked out of the room. As soon as he did that Chucky burst in to tears. I kept asking him "Buddy whats wrong?" Between sobs he goes "Daddy say I naughty boy. DADDY NO LOVE MEEEE!" Poor kid! I felt so bad for him. Chris came back in and spent the next 1/2 hr reassuring Chucky that he did love him and that he wasn't mad at him anymore. My son is a total daddy's boy except for when he's tired and wants to cuddle or when he's sick. Then its momma time. That child is just too smart for his own good sometimes. I worry that Chucky is going to end up like my niece. She was big for her age just like he is and my sister would get dirty looks all the time because in appearance Jordan looked like a 10 yr old girl when she was only 6. They would look at my sister like "why are you letting that child whine like that? She's too old for that!" and really she wasn't. She just looked like it. Chucky is the same way. He towers over all the other kids his age at daycare. I guess we shall see.
I have a few shows that I watch regularly. I think it averages out to maybe one a night but we have DVR and On Demand so really I could watch every show I like in one day if I wanted to. Here are the ones I currently rarely miss:
Sunday: This is my off TV day. Sometimes I catch Desperate Housewives but not very often because my husband hates this show with a passion. He calls it desperate buttwipes.
Monday: Monday Night RAW. I was in to wrestling when I was a wee one back in the late 80's. My dad used to watch it all the time then. He convinced me to pull out my loose tooth when I was eight by tying a string around it and tying the other end to a door and slamming it shut because "that is what Hulk Hogan would do if he had a loose tooth". I got back into it in 2002 because I lived in the barracks then and the guys used to watch it in the dayroom all the time. Since I didn't have a TV of my own I'd watch it with them.
Another one I watch on mondays: I Love New York. Yes that would be the whacked out chick from Flavor of Love that got rejected by him twice so VH1 felt bad for her and gave her her own show. Why the hell do I watch this you may ask? Because that show and the people on it are hilarious. Take for example, the guy dubbed Romance by Ms. New York. On the 1st day he met her he broke down in great big sobs about how his precious Yorkie "princess" died 3 wks ago and how his heart was broken and now he wanted to make New York his princess. The way the guy carried on you couldn't help but wonder if he had a more intimate relationship with his Yorkie. Can we say nutjob?
Tuesdays: Another day where I don't have a particular show I watch. This is usually a day where I'll watch something I recorded or browse on demand.
Wednesdays: I got into Courtney Cox's new show Dirt on FX when it premiered. I love this show, especially Don Konkey, the functional schizophrenic photographer who keeps having strange hallucinations every episode. I will definitely keep watching this one. I was surprised I actually got into this because I'm not a huge fan of Courtney Cox Arquette. She annoyed me on Friends and in the Scream movies. I used to watch Lost but lost interest in it.
Thursdays: Grey's Anatomy. I have watched this since episode one and yes I do think Patrick Dempsey should win an award for "best male hair on a TV series".
Fridays: Friday Night Smackdown of course! Did we forget that I was a wrestling freak? Side note: I have tickets to Wrestlemania 23 (Ford Field, Detroit MI, April 1st). Although I don't have floor seats which I would have gladly paid for had they been available, I don't have nosebleeds either so all of you other wrestling fanatics that will be watching it on pay per view- be jealous haters because I'm gonna see it live!
Saturdays: This is another catchup day for stuff I DVRed or watch on demand.
And here are the couple of shows that I regularly watch through the wonderfulness of on Demand:
After not watching several seasons of the mindless drivel that is MTV's the Real World, I have actually been watching the latest installment: The Real World Denver. Its the same crap its always been- 7 strangers picked to live in a house, get drunk every opportunity they get, contribute to the spread of STD's and live like complete slobs with the occasional knock down drag out fight. Its amusing at least. I also think that were I still a drinker, this would be an awesome show to make up a drinking game to. There could be rules like everytime Jenn says the phrase "rock star" or Colie sleeps with yet another guy or Alex makes an assinine comment you have to take a drink. Then again, maybe not. Everyone would be toasted before the 1st commercial break.
Another MTV guilty pleasure: Laguna Beach. Teenage angst and drama and being so filthy rich you could solve the poverty crisis in several third world countries just by donating the proceeds from one of your many shopping trips. Who can't relate to that?
And finally a show that Chris and I actually watch together. Thats right we actually agree on something! No sumo style fights in the middle of the living room for the remote- this one we both like. Showtime's Dexter. This one is about a serial killer who was taught by his adopted dad who was a cop to channel his homicidal tendencies into something positive by bumping off other serial killers. The storylines for this one are awesome and Michael C. Hall as Dexter is brilliant.
And there you have it folks, my weekly TV schedule. And now I shall be off to bed!
I have a few shows that I watch regularly. I think it averages out to maybe one a night but we have DVR and On Demand so really I could watch every show I like in one day if I wanted to. Here are the ones I currently rarely miss:
Sunday: This is my off TV day. Sometimes I catch Desperate Housewives but not very often because my husband hates this show with a passion. He calls it desperate buttwipes.
Monday: Monday Night RAW. I was in to wrestling when I was a wee one back in the late 80's. My dad used to watch it all the time then. He convinced me to pull out my loose tooth when I was eight by tying a string around it and tying the other end to a door and slamming it shut because "that is what Hulk Hogan would do if he had a loose tooth". I got back into it in 2002 because I lived in the barracks then and the guys used to watch it in the dayroom all the time. Since I didn't have a TV of my own I'd watch it with them.
Another one I watch on mondays: I Love New York. Yes that would be the whacked out chick from Flavor of Love that got rejected by him twice so VH1 felt bad for her and gave her her own show. Why the hell do I watch this you may ask? Because that show and the people on it are hilarious. Take for example, the guy dubbed Romance by Ms. New York. On the 1st day he met her he broke down in great big sobs about how his precious Yorkie "princess" died 3 wks ago and how his heart was broken and now he wanted to make New York his princess. The way the guy carried on you couldn't help but wonder if he had a more intimate relationship with his Yorkie. Can we say nutjob?
Tuesdays: Another day where I don't have a particular show I watch. This is usually a day where I'll watch something I recorded or browse on demand.
Wednesdays: I got into Courtney Cox's new show Dirt on FX when it premiered. I love this show, especially Don Konkey, the functional schizophrenic photographer who keeps having strange hallucinations every episode. I will definitely keep watching this one. I was surprised I actually got into this because I'm not a huge fan of Courtney Cox Arquette. She annoyed me on Friends and in the Scream movies. I used to watch Lost but lost interest in it.
Thursdays: Grey's Anatomy. I have watched this since episode one and yes I do think Patrick Dempsey should win an award for "best male hair on a TV series".
Fridays: Friday Night Smackdown of course! Did we forget that I was a wrestling freak? Side note: I have tickets to Wrestlemania 23 (Ford Field, Detroit MI, April 1st). Although I don't have floor seats which I would have gladly paid for had they been available, I don't have nosebleeds either so all of you other wrestling fanatics that will be watching it on pay per view- be jealous haters because I'm gonna see it live!
Saturdays: This is another catchup day for stuff I DVRed or watch on demand.
And here are the couple of shows that I regularly watch through the wonderfulness of on Demand:
After not watching several seasons of the mindless drivel that is MTV's the Real World, I have actually been watching the latest installment: The Real World Denver. Its the same crap its always been- 7 strangers picked to live in a house, get drunk every opportunity they get, contribute to the spread of STD's and live like complete slobs with the occasional knock down drag out fight. Its amusing at least. I also think that were I still a drinker, this would be an awesome show to make up a drinking game to. There could be rules like everytime Jenn says the phrase "rock star" or Colie sleeps with yet another guy or Alex makes an assinine comment you have to take a drink. Then again, maybe not. Everyone would be toasted before the 1st commercial break.
Another MTV guilty pleasure: Laguna Beach. Teenage angst and drama and being so filthy rich you could solve the poverty crisis in several third world countries just by donating the proceeds from one of your many shopping trips. Who can't relate to that?
And finally a show that Chris and I actually watch together. Thats right we actually agree on something! No sumo style fights in the middle of the living room for the remote- this one we both like. Showtime's Dexter. This one is about a serial killer who was taught by his adopted dad who was a cop to channel his homicidal tendencies into something positive by bumping off other serial killers. The storylines for this one are awesome and Michael C. Hall as Dexter is brilliant.
And there you have it folks, my weekly TV schedule. And now I shall be off to bed!
Sunday, January 21, 2007
What to do, What to do.....
Not much has changed on the homework front. I started today well intentioned. I wanted to tackle it all bit by bit and get all caught up. I usually don't start the homework until a little before Chucky goes to bed or after he's already down. The big reason for this is during the week I pick him up a 5:30 and he goes to bed between 9:30 and 10:30 so this only gives me 4 or 5 hours with him every day and I want to spend as much time with him as possible.
The problem that I have been running into lately and what has contributed to my getting even farther behind is that my husband has no clue how to get Chucky to bed other than to scream at him to get back in bed when he gets out and to spank him when he doens't listen. Meanwhile, I'm in here trying to concentrate and all I can hear is hubby screaming "get in bed!" and then a few minutes later I'll hear "you don't want to listen? Okay! Spankings!", followed by the sound of Chucky being spanked and going "Ow OW OW". Well I can only take so much of this before I get completely fed up and tell Chris to get the hell out of Chucky's room. I go in there and either sing to him or tell him that "momma came in there to go night night with you" and I'll lay there with him and if he tries to get up I tell him "you have to be quiet buddy. Momma's trying to sleep". And guess what? Usually in about 15 -20 minutes he's out. The bad thing is that by then its 10:30 - 11 ish at night and by the time I get done putting him to bed I am completely drained and can't stay up much more than another hour working on the homework which makes me get farther and farther behind. Its a viscious cycle and I don't know what to do.
After I got him down tonight I went in there and told Chris that he had to find another way that worked for him to get Chucky to bed because the spanking his ass every five seconds until he finally conks out was not going to happen anymore. I am just sick of it. I told him the child is 2 damn years old. He's the adult and Chucky is the child and he needs to find something else that works because I am not going to put him to bed every night and sacrifice my time that I NEED for other things when he could be doing it just as well as I could. He tells me that the reason it works for me and it doesn't work for him is that Chucky sees me as the parent and him as the play thing so he doesn't listen to him. My whole take is too damn bad. Read some parenting books, call the Supernanny, take anger management or WHATEVER but he is no longer going to use spankings as a way to get Chucky to go to sleep.
I wonder if I am in the wrong here because probably about 50% of the fights we have I am and just won't admit it. Honestly, the more I have to deal with issues like these on top of everything else the more overwhelmed I get. I drift between two states most of the time. One of them is overwhelmed and the other one is hopelessness. This has got to change because I am at the point where I am just too worn out to funciton in either of those states anymore. Anway, enough of my bitch session. I have ALOT of homework to get to that I will probably never get done. TTFN.
The problem that I have been running into lately and what has contributed to my getting even farther behind is that my husband has no clue how to get Chucky to bed other than to scream at him to get back in bed when he gets out and to spank him when he doens't listen. Meanwhile, I'm in here trying to concentrate and all I can hear is hubby screaming "get in bed!" and then a few minutes later I'll hear "you don't want to listen? Okay! Spankings!", followed by the sound of Chucky being spanked and going "Ow OW OW". Well I can only take so much of this before I get completely fed up and tell Chris to get the hell out of Chucky's room. I go in there and either sing to him or tell him that "momma came in there to go night night with you" and I'll lay there with him and if he tries to get up I tell him "you have to be quiet buddy. Momma's trying to sleep". And guess what? Usually in about 15 -20 minutes he's out. The bad thing is that by then its 10:30 - 11 ish at night and by the time I get done putting him to bed I am completely drained and can't stay up much more than another hour working on the homework which makes me get farther and farther behind. Its a viscious cycle and I don't know what to do.
After I got him down tonight I went in there and told Chris that he had to find another way that worked for him to get Chucky to bed because the spanking his ass every five seconds until he finally conks out was not going to happen anymore. I am just sick of it. I told him the child is 2 damn years old. He's the adult and Chucky is the child and he needs to find something else that works because I am not going to put him to bed every night and sacrifice my time that I NEED for other things when he could be doing it just as well as I could. He tells me that the reason it works for me and it doesn't work for him is that Chucky sees me as the parent and him as the play thing so he doesn't listen to him. My whole take is too damn bad. Read some parenting books, call the Supernanny, take anger management or WHATEVER but he is no longer going to use spankings as a way to get Chucky to go to sleep.
I wonder if I am in the wrong here because probably about 50% of the fights we have I am and just won't admit it. Honestly, the more I have to deal with issues like these on top of everything else the more overwhelmed I get. I drift between two states most of the time. One of them is overwhelmed and the other one is hopelessness. This has got to change because I am at the point where I am just too worn out to funciton in either of those states anymore. Anway, enough of my bitch session. I have ALOT of homework to get to that I will probably never get done. TTFN.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Regina George is a fugly slut!
I have seen the movie Mean Girls quite a few times and though I am no fan of Lindsay Lohan I did think the movie was good. My high school experience was not as extreme as that movie was but there were definitely the cliques including a group I would consider the plastics. Its probably the same in every high school. There are the haves and have nots. In high school I was part of what were considered the have nots. We were the smart people that many people picked on because they thought we were eccentric in some way or because they were jealous of the grades.
In comparison to some of the other people in this nerd herd that I hung out with, I was actually one of the less academically inclined, although this was entirely my fault. In that respect in high school I was my own worst enemy, especially in senior year when I became involved with a guy that was four years older than me and had a two year old child. Everything went to hell for that entire year and I actually didn't go to school for 1/2 of my senior year. My dad had to meet with the principal and dean of students to work out a deal where I could graduate on time. Freshman, sophomore and junior year of high school I actually did pretty well.
Anyway, for some reason that I can't exactly pinpoint I don't remember high school all that fondly. Maybe its just because when I look back on the whole experience it forces me to confront what a MORON I was for that last year. I know why the whole thing happened. It was because of the two year old child that the boyfriend had. This kid grew very attached to me and I to him as well and his mom was like my mom and just dumped him off. I think I thought I could save him from that and I got way too involved to the point where it hurt me with school. Thankfully when I joined the Army while I was away at basic training the boyfriend showed his true colors and I dumped him before I took off to Korea on my first duty assignment.
Some other not so great things from high school: People in the "plastics" crowd trying to convince substitute teachers that they were my boyfriend as justification for why they were trying to copy off of my paper. I had one guy that was part of this group that I had Phys Ed with that would hit me in the ass with just about every piece of sports equipment we encountered-hockey sticks, badminton raquets, whatever. I remember someone else once ganging up on me because I jokingly called one of my friends gay and the dude harassed me for a week about it. Never mind the fact that the guy I jokingly called gay came out to us about 6 months later and we're still friends.
Also I think another thing that made high school not so great was that I hadn't really "blossomed" yet. I wasn't one of the stuck up prissy people that would get up at 5 am just to make sure I had enough time to cake on my makeup and curl my hair before school. I was one of those that put on whatever was clean, brushed my hair and teeth, put on a little makeup and went on my merry way. I didn't wear the in clothes and I didn't have to have the latest this or that. I was called ugly by some people. Strangely enough I kind of morphed while I was over in Korea and I had this awesome body and the majority thought I was really pretty. I was more into the makeup and clothes stuff than some of my friends but I still wasn't as in to it as some girls in my class. There were also the crushes that I drooled over that never would have happened in a million years. There was one guy that I had a crush on during freshman year that was one grade ahead of me and at that time he was just a big doofus but by the time he reached senior year he was pretty popular and as I said since I was a have not-er it wasn't ever going to happen. There were a few that I liked that maybe could have happened but I was too chicken to take any chances in high school. I only dated four guys in those four years . One was the older one and the other three were from different schools.
Some good things I remember: My school had awesome teachers, especially the foreign language teachers. There was also one english teacher that everyone hated and I absolutely loved her class. My friends were (and still are) awesome. We were a unique group of people and although during that time I wanted to be part of the in crowd like I think everyone wishes at some point, I would not have traded my group of friends for the world. They were some of the most creative, intelligent people I have met in my life. I remember picking up Krista and either Keith of Kevin and we would go to Pomona park and play risk and sometimes get chinese. One of these trips was when Kevin was awarded the name "secret eggroll man".
Anyway, I started this whole post by talking about the "plastics" at my school. There were only a few that were actually mean to me personally. The phys ed guy for one, and there was one girl who would point out how in her opinion my clothes didn't match and try to humiliate me in front of her little friends. What irked me too was that they sucked ALL the fun out of events like homecoming and prom because it was a popularity contest every time and the nominations were from the same group of people. Most of the people on homecoming and prom court I didn't like, although the girl that was elected prom queen was alright. She was someone I had known since 1st grade. They just seemed like they were the type of people that just came in the room and sucked all the oxygen out because they thought it was rightfully theirs or something. I know people have had high school experiences that were MUCH MUCH worse than mine, like our friend Lisa who we adopted into our group and felt really bad for because she was teased unmercifully by just about everyone in her grade. I just wonder if every school has a group of "plastics". I wonder if they do how long in life it takes the plastics to realize they don't matter anymore after high school and how long it takes the people who wish the plastics would get hit by a bus to realize that things will be different after high school?
As for me I'm glad I rolled with the nerd herd in high school because some of us have done great things with our lives and some of the plastics are now townies with dead end jobs.
In comparison to some of the other people in this nerd herd that I hung out with, I was actually one of the less academically inclined, although this was entirely my fault. In that respect in high school I was my own worst enemy, especially in senior year when I became involved with a guy that was four years older than me and had a two year old child. Everything went to hell for that entire year and I actually didn't go to school for 1/2 of my senior year. My dad had to meet with the principal and dean of students to work out a deal where I could graduate on time. Freshman, sophomore and junior year of high school I actually did pretty well.
Anyway, for some reason that I can't exactly pinpoint I don't remember high school all that fondly. Maybe its just because when I look back on the whole experience it forces me to confront what a MORON I was for that last year. I know why the whole thing happened. It was because of the two year old child that the boyfriend had. This kid grew very attached to me and I to him as well and his mom was like my mom and just dumped him off. I think I thought I could save him from that and I got way too involved to the point where it hurt me with school. Thankfully when I joined the Army while I was away at basic training the boyfriend showed his true colors and I dumped him before I took off to Korea on my first duty assignment.
Some other not so great things from high school: People in the "plastics" crowd trying to convince substitute teachers that they were my boyfriend as justification for why they were trying to copy off of my paper. I had one guy that was part of this group that I had Phys Ed with that would hit me in the ass with just about every piece of sports equipment we encountered-hockey sticks, badminton raquets, whatever. I remember someone else once ganging up on me because I jokingly called one of my friends gay and the dude harassed me for a week about it. Never mind the fact that the guy I jokingly called gay came out to us about 6 months later and we're still friends.
Also I think another thing that made high school not so great was that I hadn't really "blossomed" yet. I wasn't one of the stuck up prissy people that would get up at 5 am just to make sure I had enough time to cake on my makeup and curl my hair before school. I was one of those that put on whatever was clean, brushed my hair and teeth, put on a little makeup and went on my merry way. I didn't wear the in clothes and I didn't have to have the latest this or that. I was called ugly by some people. Strangely enough I kind of morphed while I was over in Korea and I had this awesome body and the majority thought I was really pretty. I was more into the makeup and clothes stuff than some of my friends but I still wasn't as in to it as some girls in my class. There were also the crushes that I drooled over that never would have happened in a million years. There was one guy that I had a crush on during freshman year that was one grade ahead of me and at that time he was just a big doofus but by the time he reached senior year he was pretty popular and as I said since I was a have not-er it wasn't ever going to happen. There were a few that I liked that maybe could have happened but I was too chicken to take any chances in high school. I only dated four guys in those four years . One was the older one and the other three were from different schools.
Some good things I remember: My school had awesome teachers, especially the foreign language teachers. There was also one english teacher that everyone hated and I absolutely loved her class. My friends were (and still are) awesome. We were a unique group of people and although during that time I wanted to be part of the in crowd like I think everyone wishes at some point, I would not have traded my group of friends for the world. They were some of the most creative, intelligent people I have met in my life. I remember picking up Krista and either Keith of Kevin and we would go to Pomona park and play risk and sometimes get chinese. One of these trips was when Kevin was awarded the name "secret eggroll man".
Anyway, I started this whole post by talking about the "plastics" at my school. There were only a few that were actually mean to me personally. The phys ed guy for one, and there was one girl who would point out how in her opinion my clothes didn't match and try to humiliate me in front of her little friends. What irked me too was that they sucked ALL the fun out of events like homecoming and prom because it was a popularity contest every time and the nominations were from the same group of people. Most of the people on homecoming and prom court I didn't like, although the girl that was elected prom queen was alright. She was someone I had known since 1st grade. They just seemed like they were the type of people that just came in the room and sucked all the oxygen out because they thought it was rightfully theirs or something. I know people have had high school experiences that were MUCH MUCH worse than mine, like our friend Lisa who we adopted into our group and felt really bad for because she was teased unmercifully by just about everyone in her grade. I just wonder if every school has a group of "plastics". I wonder if they do how long in life it takes the plastics to realize they don't matter anymore after high school and how long it takes the people who wish the plastics would get hit by a bus to realize that things will be different after high school?
As for me I'm glad I rolled with the nerd herd in high school because some of us have done great things with our lives and some of the plastics are now townies with dead end jobs.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Everyday is a Winding Road
Another day where I have accomplished everything at work that I needed to 3 hrs before I'm set to go home. Yay for me!
I am still feeling overwhelmed by school and I am still behind but I am hoping to remedy that tonight. I go to school entirely online. I know there are some naysayers out there who say an online education is not worth the paper its written on and that many times what you learn is self taught- you know, read the text do the questions/paper/test. That part is true to some extent but when I was in the Army I did try the traditional classroom environment and ya know what? I absolutely frickin' hated it. The teacher was great, the class was something I was interested in (English) but I ended up pulling a B in a class I could have easily gotten an A in. For some reason I get really fidgety and distracted sitting in a classroom whereas online since I can do it on my own time every day and I feel like I'm still getting the feedback I need from the class and the instructor. Also since I've returned from Iraq I have some serious anxiety issues when dealing with crowds of people. Its just not something I would enjoy having to deal with. I don't think I'm missing anything by not going to a "normal" college. The only thing that concerns me about my choice of college is that even though it is accredited, with certain colleges (like GVSU) many of the credits I earn at Baker will not transfer there.
Another thing that I've come to realize in the past year or so is that I don't know if I really even want to stay in the clerical/human resources field. True, I make decent money but I don't know if its really what I want to do. With my 25th birthday just around the corner you'd think I would have made big decisions like "what I want to be when I grow up" by now but I'm just not sure if I'm heading in the right direction. I'm hoping this will be my year to make significant improvements in many aspects of my life and hopefully I'll be heading into 2008 a little more sure of things.
I have several ideas for what I might like to do but I'm not sure if any of those is right for me either. One of those is to finish out my bachelor's degree and apply for a direct commission into the US Army Reserves as an officer. This is a new thing they've come out with because they are short on officers in the reserves. Going this route I would not have to go to OCS. All that is required is that I have a bachelor's degree and that I attend the Officer Basic Course for whatever branch i go into. It has its pros and cons. The pros are that officers make good money in the military and if I was only a reservist I could quit my full time job and go to working part time somewhere because the money I would be making as an officer would more than make up for what i would lose by not working full time. The drawbacks to this plan would be that I could be moved to a unit that was far away from where I wanted to be and the big one that I fear more than anything is that I would be deployed again. I honestly don't know if I could handle another deployment. The first one did a lot of damage, not physically, but I am just not the same anymore. I think I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or at least some kind of anxiety disorder from the year I spent over there. Things are just not the same for me anymore. Its strange too because its not like I saw anything absolutely horrific over there, no charred bodies, I wasn't attacked by the enemy or anything like that but just the experience as a whole has left me changed. I used to be fine flying and now it scares the crap out of me. I freak out when I ride in a vehicle and other people are driving. I sometimes get the urge to cry for no reason and I get really freaked out dealing with lots of people now. Its almost like I can't be in situations where I don't have complete control. I used to love going shopping at the mall and now I just get extremely irritated and stressed out every time I go. It also feels like I am detached from my life, if that makes any sense. Life is foggy for me and I am not nearly as emotional as I used to be. My dad and my sister say I should go see the VA and get some help but I haven't convinced myself that I need to go that route yet. I keep thinking that maybe if I eliminate the other stressors in my life that it will make the issues that I have left over from the war better.
Anyway, I have also considered continuing on with school for a second bachelor's degree. I was thinking psychology but the field doesn't really open up until you have your masters. At least I would have something to fall back on in case I did decide to not do human resources mgmt. I thought about a master's degree but then I would have to stay in the business field and I don't know if I want to do that either. What I really want to do more than anything is to be able to work part time at Barnes and Noble and spend the rest of my time with Chucky. Not the biggest goal in the world but all I really want is more time with my son. He'll be able to start preschool this coming fall which really means that I'll only have two more years before he's in school full time and I'll have lost the opportunity to spend all day with him. Kids are really great at this age. On a good note, he loves his new daycare. He is genuinely excited to go there which makes me happy. It partially alleviates the guilt of having my kid spend most of his waking hours with someone else.
I asked Chris today if he would be interested in getting a membership to the Y in Grand Haven. He seemed interested until I told him that it would be $83 a month for a family membership. Now this does not seem that much to me because when you break it down weekly thats a little over $20 for all three of us to go there. Thats $990 annually. I thought it would be good for all of us because they have all kinds of programs for little kids that we could involve Chucky in and Chris and I really need to lose about 40 lbs a piece and get back into shape BUT HE SAID NO. To him that was too much money. Then he went blathering on about how we should use the money I want to spend on the Y to fix the electrical in our house instead. It does need to be fixed along with a myriad of other things but I thought it would be nice to sign up for the Y and get us out of the house. Apparently fixing things in our house which could be fixed anytime in the next 50 years since we will be living there until doomsday takes priority. Our house is an older home (it was built in 1964) and when we were getting ready to leave ft. campbell for good I had to come up to MI househunting by myself because Chris' unit would not let him have the time off to come with me. So I ended up looking at 10 houses over the course of 4 days and I picked ours out. Now I was only able to go through the house twice, and it was brief both times, and everything looked fine then. By the time we had it inspected I was back in KY and my dad went through with the inspector. He said a few things might need to be fixed down the line but everything looked good. Well here it is 18 months later and the house needs the electrical redone because the guy that lived there before us rigged everything so its not grounded right, and the house is still running on fuses (we go through tons of lightbulbs because our electrical is messed up). My brother who is an electrical engineer said he had no clue how the house passed the inspection of the electrical because it is seriously FUBARed. Also the house needs a new roof, and new windows(we pay a sky high electric bill because of the drafty windows) and appliance wise we've replaced the washer, dryer, and dishwasher and we're also in need of a new fridge and stove.
In hindsight maybe we should have rented an apartment for the six months when we moved back this way and took our time looking-too late now. Love the house but don't love all the work and MONEY we'll be putting into it. Maybe once Chris makes his next grade at work and he's pulling in more $$$ it won't be so bad.
Life could be much worse. I could still be stuck in Iraq......
I am still feeling overwhelmed by school and I am still behind but I am hoping to remedy that tonight. I go to school entirely online. I know there are some naysayers out there who say an online education is not worth the paper its written on and that many times what you learn is self taught- you know, read the text do the questions/paper/test. That part is true to some extent but when I was in the Army I did try the traditional classroom environment and ya know what? I absolutely frickin' hated it. The teacher was great, the class was something I was interested in (English) but I ended up pulling a B in a class I could have easily gotten an A in. For some reason I get really fidgety and distracted sitting in a classroom whereas online since I can do it on my own time every day and I feel like I'm still getting the feedback I need from the class and the instructor. Also since I've returned from Iraq I have some serious anxiety issues when dealing with crowds of people. Its just not something I would enjoy having to deal with. I don't think I'm missing anything by not going to a "normal" college. The only thing that concerns me about my choice of college is that even though it is accredited, with certain colleges (like GVSU) many of the credits I earn at Baker will not transfer there.
Another thing that I've come to realize in the past year or so is that I don't know if I really even want to stay in the clerical/human resources field. True, I make decent money but I don't know if its really what I want to do. With my 25th birthday just around the corner you'd think I would have made big decisions like "what I want to be when I grow up" by now but I'm just not sure if I'm heading in the right direction. I'm hoping this will be my year to make significant improvements in many aspects of my life and hopefully I'll be heading into 2008 a little more sure of things.
I have several ideas for what I might like to do but I'm not sure if any of those is right for me either. One of those is to finish out my bachelor's degree and apply for a direct commission into the US Army Reserves as an officer. This is a new thing they've come out with because they are short on officers in the reserves. Going this route I would not have to go to OCS. All that is required is that I have a bachelor's degree and that I attend the Officer Basic Course for whatever branch i go into. It has its pros and cons. The pros are that officers make good money in the military and if I was only a reservist I could quit my full time job and go to working part time somewhere because the money I would be making as an officer would more than make up for what i would lose by not working full time. The drawbacks to this plan would be that I could be moved to a unit that was far away from where I wanted to be and the big one that I fear more than anything is that I would be deployed again. I honestly don't know if I could handle another deployment. The first one did a lot of damage, not physically, but I am just not the same anymore. I think I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or at least some kind of anxiety disorder from the year I spent over there. Things are just not the same for me anymore. Its strange too because its not like I saw anything absolutely horrific over there, no charred bodies, I wasn't attacked by the enemy or anything like that but just the experience as a whole has left me changed. I used to be fine flying and now it scares the crap out of me. I freak out when I ride in a vehicle and other people are driving. I sometimes get the urge to cry for no reason and I get really freaked out dealing with lots of people now. Its almost like I can't be in situations where I don't have complete control. I used to love going shopping at the mall and now I just get extremely irritated and stressed out every time I go. It also feels like I am detached from my life, if that makes any sense. Life is foggy for me and I am not nearly as emotional as I used to be. My dad and my sister say I should go see the VA and get some help but I haven't convinced myself that I need to go that route yet. I keep thinking that maybe if I eliminate the other stressors in my life that it will make the issues that I have left over from the war better.
Anyway, I have also considered continuing on with school for a second bachelor's degree. I was thinking psychology but the field doesn't really open up until you have your masters. At least I would have something to fall back on in case I did decide to not do human resources mgmt. I thought about a master's degree but then I would have to stay in the business field and I don't know if I want to do that either. What I really want to do more than anything is to be able to work part time at Barnes and Noble and spend the rest of my time with Chucky. Not the biggest goal in the world but all I really want is more time with my son. He'll be able to start preschool this coming fall which really means that I'll only have two more years before he's in school full time and I'll have lost the opportunity to spend all day with him. Kids are really great at this age. On a good note, he loves his new daycare. He is genuinely excited to go there which makes me happy. It partially alleviates the guilt of having my kid spend most of his waking hours with someone else.
I asked Chris today if he would be interested in getting a membership to the Y in Grand Haven. He seemed interested until I told him that it would be $83 a month for a family membership. Now this does not seem that much to me because when you break it down weekly thats a little over $20 for all three of us to go there. Thats $990 annually. I thought it would be good for all of us because they have all kinds of programs for little kids that we could involve Chucky in and Chris and I really need to lose about 40 lbs a piece and get back into shape BUT HE SAID NO. To him that was too much money. Then he went blathering on about how we should use the money I want to spend on the Y to fix the electrical in our house instead. It does need to be fixed along with a myriad of other things but I thought it would be nice to sign up for the Y and get us out of the house. Apparently fixing things in our house which could be fixed anytime in the next 50 years since we will be living there until doomsday takes priority. Our house is an older home (it was built in 1964) and when we were getting ready to leave ft. campbell for good I had to come up to MI househunting by myself because Chris' unit would not let him have the time off to come with me. So I ended up looking at 10 houses over the course of 4 days and I picked ours out. Now I was only able to go through the house twice, and it was brief both times, and everything looked fine then. By the time we had it inspected I was back in KY and my dad went through with the inspector. He said a few things might need to be fixed down the line but everything looked good. Well here it is 18 months later and the house needs the electrical redone because the guy that lived there before us rigged everything so its not grounded right, and the house is still running on fuses (we go through tons of lightbulbs because our electrical is messed up). My brother who is an electrical engineer said he had no clue how the house passed the inspection of the electrical because it is seriously FUBARed. Also the house needs a new roof, and new windows(we pay a sky high electric bill because of the drafty windows) and appliance wise we've replaced the washer, dryer, and dishwasher and we're also in need of a new fridge and stove.
In hindsight maybe we should have rented an apartment for the six months when we moved back this way and took our time looking-too late now. Love the house but don't love all the work and MONEY we'll be putting into it. Maybe once Chris makes his next grade at work and he's pulling in more $$$ it won't be so bad.
Life could be much worse. I could still be stuck in Iraq......
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Finally a post....
I finally decided to post something after being told several times that I really needed to get a blog. Part of me wanting to post is that I used to keep a normal journal which I wrote in at least once a week from 7th grade until about 2 years ago. I managed to fill up three volumes going that route. I kind of miss having that kind of outlet for my thoughts because now I just don't have time to keep a journal. I also decided to do this becuase I think it will help people keep track of me and because I get bored at work sometimes and this will fill the space. So there you have it-the reason I finally decided to blog. To anyone who may actually read this, I apologize for the randomness of my thoughts, but anyone who has ever received any kind of written communciation from me will tell you that's how I have always been. Also I don't apologize for being boring because I did not put a gun to your head and force you to read this. :)
Right now I am sitting at my desk with nothing to do and while I should be doing my developmental psychology homework I am avoiding it like the plague. This class is for my Bachelors in Human Resource Management. I have one more thing to do for my Associates in General Business which is write a paper to meet the Work Experience Requirement and I will be done. I've been putting this off for almost a year now. Sad, I know but its just not something that I'm interested in doing at all right now even though I keep getting emails from the college saying if I don't complete it they will have to move my graduation date. I really don't care if they move it or not because I decided I wasn't going to leave this job for greener pastures until I was done with my bachelors. Anyway, I should just do the stupid paper and get it over with and I should just do my pschology homework (which I am about a few assignments behind on) instead of doing this. The problem is that within the last six months or so I have just been going through the motions with my classes because I am burnt out with doing them. I have been doing classes nonstop since february of 2005 and no matter what the subject matter it just gets tedious after awhile. Still, I want to finish the degree as soon as possible so plug away I will.
I am also fighting the urge to call the daycare and check on Chucky (he's a little redhead like his momma and this is what we call him when he's being bad, like the Chucky doll from the movies). This is his first day at his new daycare and I'm sure he's fine but I still kind of want to check on him anyway. When I dropped him off and told him I had to go it didn't seem like it bothered him too much. He just said "Ok bye momma" and that was it. Its kind of disturbing to me that he is so used to being dropped off somewhere that it doesn't even bother him anymore but I guess its better than him screaming and clinging to me and not letting me out the door for an hour. Ideally we would be in a financial situation where I could at least go down to working part time and be home with him more but unfortunately that isn't the case. Maybe someday.
We aren't in bad financial straights at all and we don't live beyond our means but we are still paycheck to paycheck and I hate that. I just paid off all of our credit card debt with an inheritance I got from my grandfather. We still have other stuff we're paying on though and we don't have that comfortable cushion in case something goes wrong. If something went wrong we would be screwed because we'd have to put if on our credit cards and then we'd have to dig ourselves out of that again. I grew up watching my dad do the credit card shuffle to keep us afloat and I promised myself I would never get like that and so far we've been pretty good about it but last year we just had very very bad luck and now we're trying to improve things. There are four main things I would like to do this year:
1- increase the contribution to Chucky's 529 plan. It is so disheartening when you use the calculator on the misaves.com site to figure out how short you're going to be on paying for your child's entire education because at the rate we're going right now we'll only be able to pay for his first 1.5 years of college. I DO NOT want my child to consider going in the military to put himself through college. I'm using my GI bill to go now but I don't want him to think thats the only option he has and I don't want recruiters beating on my door using that line on him to get him to sign up. Don't get me wrong. I fully support the military as a career but if he does go that route I want him to go because its what he really wants to do in life, not because he's in debt up to his eyeballs in student loans and he sees no other option.
2- start 401 k's and and IRAs for me and the hubby. He just turned 25 and I turn 25 next month and I don't want to be old and relying on my kids to support me because I wasn't responsible enough to save for my own retirement when I had the chance.
3- This year I WILL lose 40 lbs and 20 of those will be by April 1st. Lofty goal, yes but I know I will feel so much better about myself if I lose it. I don't have to be as small as I used to be ( a whopping 100 lbs when I came back from Iraq) but my self esteem has taken a severe beating since I had Chucky and made the idiotic mistake of taking the depo shot which made me gain 50 lbs. The problem here is I am not an exercise junky and I have yet to stumble on a routine that I am comfortable with. I've tried Taebo and I do it occasionally but I think I need something a little slower paced to start off with. I'm considering just walking with my dogs every day and see if that will help. The only problem is as with everything, I have next to no time to do it and since my husband works craptacular hours it is hard to fit it into my schedule. I am eating right for the most part so its just getting an exercise routine that I like.
4-Get in touch with all my old friends and restrengthen those bonds. I miss all of you and I was really hoping we could all get together this summer sometime but a few things are standing in the way: one of us is going overseas, one of us is having trouble forgiving another for something that happened in the past, one of us is really hard to get ahold of, one of us lives outside of the state and all of us are on a budget. Still I'm going to find some way to do it.
And now after having nothing to do for two hours, work beckons. Til next time.............
Right now I am sitting at my desk with nothing to do and while I should be doing my developmental psychology homework I am avoiding it like the plague. This class is for my Bachelors in Human Resource Management. I have one more thing to do for my Associates in General Business which is write a paper to meet the Work Experience Requirement and I will be done. I've been putting this off for almost a year now. Sad, I know but its just not something that I'm interested in doing at all right now even though I keep getting emails from the college saying if I don't complete it they will have to move my graduation date. I really don't care if they move it or not because I decided I wasn't going to leave this job for greener pastures until I was done with my bachelors. Anyway, I should just do the stupid paper and get it over with and I should just do my pschology homework (which I am about a few assignments behind on) instead of doing this. The problem is that within the last six months or so I have just been going through the motions with my classes because I am burnt out with doing them. I have been doing classes nonstop since february of 2005 and no matter what the subject matter it just gets tedious after awhile. Still, I want to finish the degree as soon as possible so plug away I will.
I am also fighting the urge to call the daycare and check on Chucky (he's a little redhead like his momma and this is what we call him when he's being bad, like the Chucky doll from the movies). This is his first day at his new daycare and I'm sure he's fine but I still kind of want to check on him anyway. When I dropped him off and told him I had to go it didn't seem like it bothered him too much. He just said "Ok bye momma" and that was it. Its kind of disturbing to me that he is so used to being dropped off somewhere that it doesn't even bother him anymore but I guess its better than him screaming and clinging to me and not letting me out the door for an hour. Ideally we would be in a financial situation where I could at least go down to working part time and be home with him more but unfortunately that isn't the case. Maybe someday.
We aren't in bad financial straights at all and we don't live beyond our means but we are still paycheck to paycheck and I hate that. I just paid off all of our credit card debt with an inheritance I got from my grandfather. We still have other stuff we're paying on though and we don't have that comfortable cushion in case something goes wrong. If something went wrong we would be screwed because we'd have to put if on our credit cards and then we'd have to dig ourselves out of that again. I grew up watching my dad do the credit card shuffle to keep us afloat and I promised myself I would never get like that and so far we've been pretty good about it but last year we just had very very bad luck and now we're trying to improve things. There are four main things I would like to do this year:
1- increase the contribution to Chucky's 529 plan. It is so disheartening when you use the calculator on the misaves.com site to figure out how short you're going to be on paying for your child's entire education because at the rate we're going right now we'll only be able to pay for his first 1.5 years of college. I DO NOT want my child to consider going in the military to put himself through college. I'm using my GI bill to go now but I don't want him to think thats the only option he has and I don't want recruiters beating on my door using that line on him to get him to sign up. Don't get me wrong. I fully support the military as a career but if he does go that route I want him to go because its what he really wants to do in life, not because he's in debt up to his eyeballs in student loans and he sees no other option.
2- start 401 k's and and IRAs for me and the hubby. He just turned 25 and I turn 25 next month and I don't want to be old and relying on my kids to support me because I wasn't responsible enough to save for my own retirement when I had the chance.
3- This year I WILL lose 40 lbs and 20 of those will be by April 1st. Lofty goal, yes but I know I will feel so much better about myself if I lose it. I don't have to be as small as I used to be ( a whopping 100 lbs when I came back from Iraq) but my self esteem has taken a severe beating since I had Chucky and made the idiotic mistake of taking the depo shot which made me gain 50 lbs. The problem here is I am not an exercise junky and I have yet to stumble on a routine that I am comfortable with. I've tried Taebo and I do it occasionally but I think I need something a little slower paced to start off with. I'm considering just walking with my dogs every day and see if that will help. The only problem is as with everything, I have next to no time to do it and since my husband works craptacular hours it is hard to fit it into my schedule. I am eating right for the most part so its just getting an exercise routine that I like.
4-Get in touch with all my old friends and restrengthen those bonds. I miss all of you and I was really hoping we could all get together this summer sometime but a few things are standing in the way: one of us is going overseas, one of us is having trouble forgiving another for something that happened in the past, one of us is really hard to get ahold of, one of us lives outside of the state and all of us are on a budget. Still I'm going to find some way to do it.
And now after having nothing to do for two hours, work beckons. Til next time.............
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