Worst Luck

Whatever happened to the luck of the irish? I'm irish dammit and I've got to be the unluckiest person to walk the face of the planet (well maybe not that bad, but still). I am really depressed about the way things are going with my classes. Right now I am earning a B in both of them. The intermediate algebra class is whats really bothering me because I have a very strict teacher that really is not willing to work with her students at all. Last week I had the 10 point project due that I worked on for about 3 hours but since I forgot to post it to both locations and posted it to just the one I lost credit on the whole thing. I got sick two days later and missed the math test for that week so there goes 20 points for that week. Illness is not something I can control. My head was pounding so bad I couldn't even stay awake. I try to get all my stuff done as early as possible but I work full time and I have a two year old and a household to take care of so its not easy to get everything done early in case something happens the day an assignment is due even though I try.
This week was even worse than last week. My son got sick with a fever on friday. When I took his temperature friday is it was 101.7. I gave him tylenol which helped a little and the daycare was giving him motrin which seemed to help a little but as soon as they wore off the fever was back with a vengeance. When I woke up saturday morning I took his temperature because he felt really hot and he had a temperature of 103.2 so I had to take him into the emergency room. They were really concerned about how high his temperature was so they wanted to take a urine sample and do chest x-rays. Well the chest x-rays went fine but he couldn't "do pee pee in the potty" for the urine sample so they had to take his urine with a catheter which was very painful for him. He was screaming the whole time they were doing it and I felt very bad for him. They said he had a viral infection and sent us home. That night I decided I was going to make him brownies to make him feel better and I started to mix everything but realized that chris had used the last of the oil so I had to go to the store to go get some. Well on my way back from the store as luck would have it I hit one of those famous MASSIVE michigan potholes and popped both of my tires on the passenger side of my car. Being that it was late saturday night and nothing was open then or all day sunday, and because my car is new and has an uncommon kind of tire, we couldn't find the tires we needed to replace the ones that popped so now I have to wait til tomorrow and take it to the dealership and have my dad get up at the ass crack of dawn to follow me to the dealership to make sure I make it there on the two spare tires we have on the car and then he gets the joy of driving me all the way to Grand Rapids so I don't miss work and my ass doesn't get fired from my job.
So in the last two weeks my grades have taken a nose dive for reasons mostly out of my control, I got sick, my son got sick, and I damaged my car costing us to spend even more money we couldn't afford to. I'm starting to wonder if it can get any worse. What next? Am I going to step inadvertently walk in front of a bus tomorrow or something?
I like to think that under normal circumstances I am a glass half full person but life is just kicking the crap out of me lately and I have this feeling that I am on the verge of a massive meltdown. I almost had one today. I have no outlet for the stress I am under, nowhere for the anger to go and I just don't know what to do anymore. I have had problems with depression since I got back from Iraq. I actually had the thought today that I don't care if I get better anymore. As long as I am functioning well enough to be a good mother to my son thats all I care about. The rational side of me tells me that hell no, that is not good enough because I have always been the person that wants to be good at everything but the emotional side of me is waving the white flag right now. I am scared to go see the VA for help because I'm scared if I do they'll want to put me on medication and I don't want to be on any medication. Even if I did agree to being on medication, I suck at remembering to take it anyway which is why after the pregnancy I asked for the Depo shot as opposed to the pill because with that you only have to remember to do it every three months and the pill is daily and I knew I would forget. Of course that was really stupid in hindsight because the Depo shot is 50% of the reason that I'm fat (the other 50% being that I can't find time to exercise like I should).
I just hope things get better but I've spent years now hoping things will get better and the optimistic side of me is dying a little more everytime something else goes wrong. My last couple of posts have been pretty negative lately. I'll have to remember next time to post something lighter and isn't so soul suckingly depressing. Someone remind me to do this.