Insanity

Wow, I completely missed updating at all last month. Well life has been completely insane for me. My sis and her family moved in with my dad for awhile and then he got fed up with them and threw them out with next to no notice so its created quite the uncomfortable situation for me. My dad is a very vindictive person when he feels he's been wronged and I have tried to stay out of it but am caught in the middle. Every time he comes over he complains about her and every time I hear from her she complains about him. Its ridiculous really. I am SOOO sick of them badmouthing each other and so sick of hearing about it. I wish I could hole up in a secret location until the whole thing blows over.
I have actually had a lot of stress inducing things happen as of late. My foot surgery I had in July that I thought would be paid for between the two insurance companies...well it wasn't. Somehow even though I am insured through Nationwide and Blue Cross they only covered about 2/3 of it and I still owe almost $1,400 for the surgery itself plus another $175 for the anesthesia which they didn't cover. How is that possible to be covered by two insurance companies and still owe that much money??? I don't have that much to pay them so I'm going to have to set up a payment plan with them or something. Needless to say, the second surgery that I had scheduled for the 7th of this month and then rescheduled for the 29th will be postponed indefinitely. Like until I win the lottery or $2,000 falls out of the sky. Just when we think we're on the right road with our finances something else always happens. I still also have 3 cats I need to get shots for and get neutered and I have to get my car fixed before we go to NY in december.
Also I have set the goal for myself of making the President's list for college this quarter. I just finished up SOC 321-cultural diversity and MGT 114-Customer Service and got A's in both so I am half way there. Today I started two new classes: Foundations of Financial Mgmt and HRM 291- Human Resources Seminar. You would think these classes would be a good match since one looked like it might be a lot of writing and the other looked like it might be a lot of math related stuff. WRONG. Both of these classes require projects with a MINIMUM of 10 pages as the final project. I am in for 6 weeks of pure academic hell so wish me luck and pray I don't shoot myself half way through.
A few good things have happened too so it hasn't been all bad. I got to hang out with the fabulous Liz and Kevin a little while back which is something that hasn't happened in forever. I really miss my friends and I think we all pretty much let our demanding schedules get in the way of maintaining those friendships which is sad but I had an awesome time with them and hope to do it again with even more of us sometime later this month. Also the Annual Training Conference for the recruiters which admin assistants are NEVER invited to is actually allowing us to go this year. Every year they have a company party with some sort of theme friday night and then the formal dinner saturday night. The company party's theme this year is superheros/supervillians so I have to find a costume for that and I've been helping in the planning of it to try and make it awesome for the recruiters. For saturday I got an awesome burgundy colored strapless gown which I had to buy in a size 3 sizes bigger than what I actually wear so the twins would fit in it. This little outing to buy the dress prompted a return of the South Beach Diet so here's hoping I stick to it and lose some major poundage this time around.
I do have a lot more bouncing around in my head that I'd like to post but unfortunately homework beckons. The only day I don't have something due for the next six weeks is on fridays :( So TTFN

Blur

That would be life lately, a big blur. Okay so I will start this post with a confession. We have On Demand and one of my guilty pleasures is watching episodes of Sex and the City. Yes I know some of you are rolling your eyes in disgust. Go ahead all my intellectual friends, get the scoffing out of your system.... but I like the show and I've watched every episode at least once season 1 - 4. Its always interesting how when Carrie is writing her column she comes up with all these witty ponderings about sex and relationships and I think "if I were a writer I would never make it because it would be so boring". People always say write what you know but what do I know that would actually interest people? How to be a soccer mom in training? Or how to alienate women and scare the crap out of men with my "Army personality"? Thats pretty much it these days. I think I will stick to my current profession because that I am good at even if I had to write about it, it would most definitely suck. I do miss my artistic side though. I used to like to write and draw and sing and do all of that stuff. I am a pisces and that is just how we are. I haven't done alot of that in a long time. Even though I go to college I don't really think I'm in touch with my creative or my intellectual side anymore which is sad. If I had one wish for the coming year (yeah I know, way too early for new years resolutions) it would be to start doing the things I used to love again and really embrace my inner nerd. I know underneath all the stress and the daily grind there is just a really big dork waiting to come out and I think its about time to let her.
Anyway in family happenings I think I finally convinced Chris to start college. He is becoming more and more disenchanted with his job and I have repeatedly told him that the degree in the field he wants to get in to is where our financial security will be (he wants to do computer programming/networking). I will be done with my BA in Human Resource Management next fall and should I choose to look for another job I might find one that will bring in slightly more than what I make now but if he goes from being a cable guy to the programming field he will double his salary right off the bat.
We are still considering a move to NY although there are so many obstacles we would have to overcome, the biggest being what would we do about this house? I personally would want to rent it out because once it is paid off it will be extra income coming in for us. Chris wants to just cut sling, take our losses and move on. I don't see us being able to do that because if we do that we will be moving with debt hanging over our heads. We have already managed to run both our credit cards up quite high and its going to take all of our tax money just to pay those off.
At least I have the college paid off now and will be able to start school on the 20th like I'm supposed to. Unfortunately, two of my books for my classes were over $100 and because they are brand spankin new additions I couldn't find them cheaper anywhere else. I did find one of my books on EBAY for $88 and I won it but the chick's listing said she accepted paypal and I paid her with my paypal buyer credit account but then she denied the payment and sent me an email saying I had to send her payment a different way. This totally baffles me and I have never had it happen before. If she wants me to pay through paypal with one of my credit cards then what is the difference between doing this and paying with the paypal buyer credit account? I pay for almost all of my purchases from EBAY with paypal buyer credit. So now I have to pull $88 out of my ass to pay this chick. Its like life sticks a really big boot in your ass and just when you finish surgically removing it, life has another really big boot to stick in your ass to replace that one.
I have been worrying alot about our financial situation lately and it is really stressing me out to the point of getting migraines and losing sleep. In fact after this post I am sitting down to make out a budget for the next month or so to see if we can get going in the right direction again. We just have so many things that we need to pay for and never enough money to do it. Things in our house need fixing, I need to get my car fixed, I need to get all three of our cats neutered (my meows are getting so big!!), plus I still haven't received all the statements from the insurance companies about my surgery so I don't know if that was fully covered yet. In good news though, it looks like my insurance which I had originally thought was a craptacular policy covered $1200 of it but they said the anesthesia wasn't covered. Chris' insurance covered my crutches but I'm waiting to see if they cover the anesthesia bill and if now that will be almost $600 we will owe out.
Also in other news by some miracle Chris managed to get a couple of days for vacation for x-mas so we are going to NY (I guess I can stop calling his boss the grinch who stole x-mas now) but we will have to drive since we can't afford the $1,300 airfare to fly there. We are planning on taking the route through the states and stopping overnight in Erie, PA and then continuing on our merry way. Not fun to take a 13 hr trip with a toddler but we really have no choice. Well it is getting late and I have budgeting to do.

trudging along

So its been awhile since I updated. Chris and Chucky were gone for that last week in June then a week after they got home the in-laws came to visit. On the 17th of July I had surgery on my right foot (oh what fun!) and I didn't get off crutches until the first week of August. Right after I got off the crutches Chris' grandparents and Uncle Eric came to visit so it has been busy busy busy. Even though I took the entire summer off from school (because a- I needed a break and b- I still owed the college close to $2,o0o when summer session started and they don't let you start new classes when you owe them money) I haven't had much time for anything.
Now that my foot is in a bit better shape I can resume my getting ready for my huge yard sale which I am thinking I will have the weekend after labor day and getting ready for school to start again on Sept 20th (my dad's 67th b-day). I wish I had the energy to write more because Chris and I have really been trying to nail down some plans for our future and I've been thinking about a lot of things lately that I'd like to write down to clear my head but I just don't feel like doing it right now so a longer post will be be coming later.
Also I am trying to change my blog layout and for some reason it just isn't working and I don't feel like making my head explode trying to get it to.
Fiddle dee dee.

You Can Hear a Pin Drop

So its been tomb-like quiet here the past week since Chris and Chucky are in NY. I get to go pick them up at the airport tomorrow. They left last sunday and since about wednesday twice a day I have been getting calls from my little guy where he is wailing into the phone "Momma! I wanna come home! I miss you so much! Momma can I please come home?" It really makes me sad because this is only the second time my baby has been away from me for more than a day and last time they were only gone for four days. I wonder what I'm going to do when he's grown and gone away to college and the only calls I get are "Mom! Send money! I'm sick of eating ramen noodles!"
I am so tempted to just sit here and play on the internet for the afternoon BUT I have a ton of cleaning to do and I'm still sorting through our 500 tons of crap to see what I want to put in our yard sale which will be sometime after the inlaws go back to NY. I also have to go grocery shopping sometime this evening so we actually have food in the house when they get back.
I am so happy that they are coming back but it was a good thing they went because I was at the breaking point with the stress and Chris and I were at the point where we needed to get away from eachother for about a week.

My Furry Little Orphans

Okay these are our new additions to the family.

The first pic is my cat and his name is Oliver.

The second pic of the little tiger kitty by himself is my son's kitty and his name is Gilbert.

The 3rd pic is Oliver in the background and Gilbert's twin brother Stewie getting ready to take a poo. Aren't they precious?

So now I am outnumered 5 to 2 in my household. Me and my beagle Sammie are the only girls :-)

In the News

So I saw two things on the news tonight that caught my attention, one because I thought it was freakin' awesome and the other one because it made me sick to my stomach.
The first was about a 72 year old man who fought off his attacker while being pickpocketed at a convenience store in Grand Rapids. This dude (a former Marine) was almost 50 years older than the guy who was trying to steal his money yet he hauls off and slugs the guy upside the head like 6 times. That guy was arrested and he definitely got what he deserved. All I can say to that one is Semper Fi baby!

And the now for the thing that turned my stomach. In Kalamzoo they are considering charging a 13 year old boy as an adult for the severe beating of a toddler. Apparently this little 15 month old boy wandered away from his house and the 13 year old found him, took him into the woods and started beating him. The mother found them. I can't imagine what would have happened to that little boy had the mother not come in time. Now that little boy has cuts, bruises, permanent damage to one of his eyes and has tremors and nightmares all the time. Then the kid's lawyer gets on there and says "yes what he did was wrong but this is a 13 year old child and my job is to make sure the courts realize that" Well lady what about that innocent little baby that the 13 year old beat within an inch of his life? I hope they throw the book at that kid, try him as an adult and put him away for a long time. What kind of sick bastard beats up a baby? What the hell is going on in the world that parents produce kids that violent? The 13 year old should be thrown in jail and they should throw away the key and the mother should be sterilized so she doesn't produce any more sick fucks like the kid she already has. Maybe I feel so strongly about this because I am a mother and my son is close in age to the little boy that was beaten. I hope that my baby never encounters that kind of evil but rest assured if he does the case will never make it to court because I will have vengeance on the person who hurts my baby.

Okay enough of that. I had the day from hell today. I wake up this morning and go to take Sammie outside. I open the garage with the door opener, set it down and walk her outside. As I'm getting her food and water (halfway around the side of the house) I hear the garage door start closing. Mind you, I didn't unlock the house before I came out so the garage was my only way into the house. So I drop her dishes and run my ass off, diving under the door just in time to keep from being locked out of my house in my pajamas. I don't know if someone else around here is on the same frequency or if our garage door is just posessed but that really sucked. Then today at lunch I had to go to the post office to mail two books I sold. I'm walking towards the building minding my own business when I walk between two cars. Out of nowhere I here this loud growl and see something lunging at me from the car on my right. I screamed and dropped my stuff thinking I'm about to get eaten by a big frickin dog but when I turn around I see a lady pulling her growling snarling POODLE back into her car. She goes "sorry, he's not friendly" Oh really?! The fact that he tried to tear off my arm told me that! Why, if the dog is so viscious didn't she have the sense to roll up the window and turn the air on for the dog instead of leaving the window down so he can attack people? Some people are just plain stupid.
And here's one more for the just plain stupid file. After I get home from work my dad calls and asks if I can come over and type a letter for him that he needs to send to the VA. I say ok and jump in my car to go over there. I'm at a stop sign waiting to turn to the road that leads to my dad's house. I edge forward and I'm about to go but a UPS truck comes flying around the corner from the opposite direction at about 60 and I have to wait for it to go by. Apparently the dumb blonde on her PHONE didn't see me stop the second time and ass ended my car. Luckily other than a few surface scratches that can be buffed out there was no damage to my car. Hurray for the durability of the HHR! And one more thing to brighten my day. I come home and flip the computer on to realize I have no internet. I call Chris to ask him how to fix it and he walks me through it but I have to go downstairs and reset the modem. Well stupid me, I leave my bowl of soup that I just made sitting at my computer desk and when I come back up the bowl is tipped over and the soup is running all over my keyboard and my three darling cats are up there enjoying my dinner. (I swear I will make mittens out of all of them if they do it again). So, how way YOUR day???

The Answers my friend, are blowin' in the wind...

For those of you who know I'm a wrestling nut, I'm still trying to figure out the whole Chris Benoit killing his family and himself thing. It is a sad situation and I honestly don't know what to think. I loved Chris Benoit the wrestler. I think he was one of the best to ever step in the ring but what kind of demons must that man have been wrestling with to kill his wife and his innocent child?? I don't think the world will ever know and I don't think its something I will ever understand. I could never imagine harming one hair on my son's head let alone killing him. My heart goes out to the members of the Benoit family and I really hope they can find some peace after this tragedy.

So I am getting overwhelmed at work lately. I have to schedule appointments for people to update their HIV tests and physicals and dental exams so they will be medically deployable because our stats suck right now and its important that they are up to date on everything. I also have a mess of leave forms to get straight and a few things the Cdr wants me to do by friday so I've been gainfully employed all week. I also have alot to get done here at the house. My in-laws will be coming in three weeks and although my house is not a giant dirt ball, it is nowhere near my standard of clean. Chris and Chucky are visiting the family now so I'm trying to get it all done before they get back.
I am also taking a 6 week long break from school because mentally, I needed one. I have Business math and the American Novel as my next two classes which start August 2nd. The other reason I am taking the break is because I still have not received my Michigan Merit Award and I still owe half my tuition from spring quarter. Well I can't start any new classes until I get that paid off so I'm working on that too.
We're in a little bit of a rough spot right now. The pressure of our financial situation is making me feel like I'm in a room thats slowly running out of oxygen. Its nothing we can't bounce back from if we manage our money carefully enough but I am getting sick of having just enough to pay the bills. I would like to actually have money left over to go do something once in awhile or start investing in fixing up this house. Even if we don't stay here I need to at least start doing the things necessary to get it ready to rent or sell. I still don't know what we're going to do but I am holding to my decision not to make any moves until I'm done with school.
In other news I went to the dentist and found out I need to get a couple of wisdom teeth pulled AND I need braces on my bottom row AGAIN because the dentist who did my braces the first time screwed up and left a tooth in he shouldn't have and now my teeth on my bottom row are all pushed together. On top of that I went to see a podiatrist about my bunions and (lucky me!) he wants to remove both of them. So I am having surgery on my right foot on the 17th and when that one heals up I'll be having surgery on my left foot. So by the middle of next year my weight will be back to normal (12 lbs gone so far...) my feet will be fixed and my teeth will be too.
And finally I have adopted three furry orphans recently. We saw a stray orange cat over at my dads house that was really friendly. We were thinking about taking it home but we knew if we put it in the car it would freak out and shred the interior of the car so we decided not to take it. Dad's neighbor feeds it all the time so its kind of at home there. Well we decided that we'd look around and see if we could find another cat. We saw an ad in the Chronicle for free kittens and we called it. The guy still had all 3 kittens left because the boobs at the chronicle put his ad in the four wheel drives section instead of the pets section and we just happened to see it. We met him and his girlfriend in the parking lot of the N. Muskegon Meijers and he pulled the three cutest little kittens out of the carrier. Two of them were grey tiger cat twins and one was grey tiger with white patches. Chris liked the twins and I liked the other one and he kept hemming and hawing and wouldn't make up his mind. We felt bad about breaking up the twins and Chris didn't want the one I wanted so I ended up agreeing to give a home to two of the kitties and promised the couple that we would take the third one along and try to find a home for it since we lived in town and they lived out in farm country and no one was willing to drive out there to see the kitties. Well we got them home and now Chris refuses to get rid of any of them and I got sick of arguing with him so we now have three little kitties (all males). Chucky's cat is Gilbert, Chris' cat is Stewie and my cat is Oliver. So now we have one dog and three cats. Hurray for me and the hundreds of dollars I'll be spending on vet bills.

Jackasses...............

So I've been feeling like complete dooky all day today (thank you mother nature, I appreciate it). I took a nap when I got home and a little while ago Chris and Chucky went to bed. So at about 11:45 pm the phone rings and thinking that it may be an emergency situation (you know since Chris' great grandma just got out of the hospital and his brother is in Iraq and my dad is well.... my dad) I pick it up. The following conversation ensues:
ME: Hello?
Guy in a girls voice: Is Chris there?
ME: He's sleeping
Guy in a girls voice: Well tell him I love him to pieces and I really miss him
ME: (after silence) Hello?
Guy in girls voice: Hello? Um I have to go.

WTF? Who the hell would be a big enough jackass to call my house this late when everyone but me is sleeping pretending to be a girl when I can hear someone snickering in the background? Who does this crap?

Maybe I should have responded like this:

ME: Hello?
GIGV: Is Chris there?
ME: He's sleeping
GIGV: Well tell him I love him to pieces and I really miss him
ME (in hysterics): You sick bastard! I don't care what your ransom note says. I don't have the $500,000 before you'll return Chris to me now please stop cutting off his fingers and mailing them to me and just let him go!"

Or maybe I should have told them that Chris decided he was tired of the lie. Two weeks ago he packed up his clothes and most of mine too, changed his name to Christiana and left me a note telling me he was going to Vegas to pursue his dream of being a showgirl.

Anyway if you can't tell, I'm really tired which is when my imagination gets all bizarre like this. I still have to shower and let the mutts in. Hopefully phone idiot doesn't grace me with another call this evening.

South Beach Update Week 1

Happy Mother's Day all! Well, I will have been on the diet a week tomorrow and I am already down 7 lbs. Since I am a person who tends to give up on alot of (but not all) things if I don't see results right away this type of progress this early on is definitely good. Wish I could lose 7 lbs every week. I'd be at my goal weight in no time. Since it is Mother's Day my siblings and I have decided that this is the day we are going to honor my mother's wishes and put her ashes in Lake Michigan. My Aunt also had her ashes spread there when she passed away and my mom wanted the same.
Hoping there is no drama when we go because my sister is mad at me. She came over to my house to vent about all her problems but I had to interrupt her because I was in the middle of cooking dinner and she let my son out into the kitchen and he was wreaking havoc on my kitchen and getting into things that could be dangerous for him so I interrupted her to tell him to put the stuff back so he wouldn't hurt himself or get it dirty because I still needed to use it and she got all pissed and stormed out the door. I HATE that there is always so much drama here. If my dad isn't getting pissed off at me for something, she is and it drives me nuts. I'm at the point where everytime someone gets mad at me I'm like "oh well, sorry you feel that way" and I drive on with my life. I'm desensitized to it now because it happens so frequently.
The in-laws are coming in July and my sis that lives in texas and her hubby are coming in July or August. They are taking my dad up to Mackinac Island for 4 days and I am SOOO jealous because I've always wanted to go there and have never been able to. At least my Chicago trip is only two weeks away. Well I want to do a little reading and then go to bed so TTFN.

South Beach Here I Come

Tomorrow Chris and I are starting the South Beach Diet because we're both a couple of fatties who need to lose some serious pudge and we have been putting it off for far too long now. I used to be a whopping 104 lbs about 3 years ago but then I got pregnant and then I got depressed and everything went downhill from there. At one point in my life I had a great body and I felt great. Now I don't and I don't. I am not delusional in thinking that I will reclaim the body I had when I was 20 years old but I do know I can look and feel 100x better than I do right now so I am going to give this South Beach Diet thing a whirl and see how it goes.
South Beach is really strict on what you can eat in the first two weeks. You are basically cutting all sugars and starches and most dairy and fruits out of your diet for two weeks. After two weeks you move to phase II and you can add certain things like fruits, a few more veggies, and certain starches back into your diet. After that its on to phase three which is the healthy way of eating that you are supposed to maintain for the rest of your life. We went grocery shopping tonight to get all the healthy stuff we would need for this diet and our bill came to $346 which is about $175 more than I usually spend on groceries for us. Why the hell does it cost so much to eat healthier? That alone almost put an end to my plans to do a diet because I was that close to having a heart attack right there at the register.
On top of the diet I have started exercising on my treadmill. Yesterday I walked/ran/jogged for a mile. Today I did just over two miles. I am planning on doing at least 2 miles a day from now on. Doing the treadmill thing is actually not that bad except it makes my right foot hurt so bad I want to chop it off. The reason for this is because I have a huge painful bunion that causes me to walk on the outside of my foot to alleviate the pain in the bunion but that doesn't work because it makes it feel like I'm about to stress fracture my entire foot. I really need to see a podiatrist to see what I can do about getting my feet fixed but I've been putting it off since most likely it will be the right foot I'll need to do first and if this is the case I'll have to wait until next year to get it done because I can't get surgery on my driving foot and get it all bandaged up and have no way to work. I can't expect Chris to drive me to work every morning until my foot heals.
So I did an online weight loss calculator online. I added up the calories I generally consume in 1 day (2,400- for shame). It says to lose weight I need to create a calorie deficit. So I decided a 1,500 calorie a day diet would be good which would give me a calorie deficit of 900. Taking into consideration my current weight, my goal weight, and a calorie deficit of 900, I should reach my target weight in just over 5 months, so sometime in October I should be where I want to be. This doesn't seem too bad.
So finally I am being proactive about getting me healthy and looking decent. I am using the proactiv for my face to clear up that mess that is triggered by something here in Michigan because I didn't have acne problems when we lived in Kentucky. I am on the diet and exercising to take care of the weight issue. I have an appointment later this month to get my teeth evaluated to see what work has to be done there. I'm going to find a podiatrist and get my feet looked at sometime soon. Now all that will be left is doing something with my hair and praying that the twin towers won't be all saggy after the weight loss because then I will have to do something about that also. How did I ever let myself go this much????? Anyway I guess that doesn't matter now that I am on the road to fixing all the damage.
I wish I could be one of those people whose self esteem was not tied to the way they look but unfortunately that isn't the case. I just keep thinking that I have so many issues that would be made better if I looked and felt a little more like my old self. I will probably be horrible to deal with while getting used to this diet but hopefully it will pay off in the end.
A huge part of my wanting to get healthy is because I am extremely paranoid about developing some sort of cancer or heart disease that will kill me and take me away from Chris and Chucky. My mom, aunt and grandma all died of cancer, one of my sisters has cancer now and has been battling it for years and there is a whole myriad of other health problems from both sides of the family. I just want to get healthy and stay that way so that I am not increasing my chances of being the next one in the family to get something that can't be cured. I don't want my baby to be without his momma. Guess thats the best motivation of all for me right now. Well I am exhausted and I have about 40 pages to read on South America for my Western Geography class so I better get to it.

Thought from the other day

This is a thought from sometime mid-week that I never got to post. It is something I wanted to put out there after my drive home from work that day:

Attention owners of Cadillac Escalades and Lincoln Navigators: I wish to inform you that even though you paid an exorbitant amount of money for your vehicle, the purchase price did not include the roadways on which your vehicle will ride. I know the reason that you must have been doing 20 miles per hour under the speed limit in rush hour traffic while refusing to let any of the 40 cars piling up behind you pass was because your large expensive vehicle was weighted down by your own self importance and you could not possibly have gone any faster even if you wanted to. I know, such a difficult life you lead having to share the road that should rightfully be yours with the rest of us peons but if you could please take a moment and humor the rest of us by pulling your head out of your ass and moving over so we can pass you and get home to our families or whatever else we need to do, it would be greatly appreciated.
Sincerely,

Holly
Your fellow Michigander

Awesomeness

But first something that wasn't too awesome. It seems that the people at my idiot bank don't know how to count. When we first bought this house our payment was $975 a month and that included the house insurance and taxes escrowed into the payment. Well last year we got a letter saying they had taken too much out in escrow and that they were going to reduce our payment to $925 plus they sent us a check for almost $1,000. Well this year I get a letter saying that because they dropped our payment down and our taxes went up they fell well short in our escrow and would have to up our payment to $981 so they would have enough for taxes next year. BUT because they chose to reduce our payment last year instead of leaving it where it was we were $1,100 short on our taxes so the bank paid it and on top of the new $981 payment we owe them an additional $84 a month for the next 14 months to pay back the $1,100 they paid for us in taxes because they were MORONS and didn't leave the payment alone in the first place so we would have enough in escrow. Had they left the payment at $975 like it was when we first bought the house we would have maybe been $100-200 short on the taxes and paying that back would have been no big deal. Now because these simpletons can't do their job right our frickin' house payment is $1,065 a month for the next 14 months which is something we were NOT prepared for. I got a fixed rate mortgage so my payment would stay the same not jump around by a couple hundred bucks every year. I am so sick of my bank. They have been screwing us over since we decided to get this house. The thing is I really would like to drop this bank and get a different one but I don't know if I want to go through the hassle of refinancing my mortgage with another bank to do it so we just might be stuck with them, at least with the mortgage.

Ok and that was the non-awesomeness. Now for the awesomeness. I got to thinking the other day when I received my associates degree in the mail that my high school diploma was an honors diploma. How do you get an honors diploma you ask? By passing all portions of the MEAP test with a level I or II score which I did. And why is this important? Because is 1999 the State of Michigan passed a bill/law/whatever stating that students who passed all four portions of the MEAP with a level I or II would be awarded the Michigan Merit Award which is $3,000 in college money. So I figured, hey I met the requirement so why not call the Office of Scholarships and Grants and see if my name was on the list as a recipient of the Michigan Merit Award. I called today and they said yes I was on the list and that this was the last year I could use it and because I had waited so long I would only get half. Then I explained to them that the reason I haven't used it in the past 7 years was because 4.5 of those years I was active duty military. Well that happens to be an exception to the only getting half thing so now all I have to do is send in a copy of my DD214 (thats a my discharge paper to all you civilians) and a copy of my marriage license because my name has obviously changed since high school and call them back in a week and they will certify my award online and send the $3,000 to the school of my choice. So in a week or two they will be sending Baker enough money to cover my expenses for spring quarter. I also get paid two payments of $1,075 for my GI bill between now and the end of spring quarter so that will allow me to set aside the $600 I needed for my trip to Chicago, buy my books for summer and fall quarter and pay ahead on my tuition a bit. This by far has to be the easiest $3,000 I have ever made. So note to all you Michiganders who graduated class of 2000 or after and completely forgot the Michigan Merit Award existed- it might be looking into because you could have a free $,3000 sitting in the state treasury.

A smaller bit of awesomeness- allergy season is starting up and for the last week or so my sinuses have been draining and fluid has been building in my ears which really make them hurt so I've been taking Tylenol Severe Allergy to help it. I have been getting to work wide awake and an hour after I get there I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Well it finally dawned on me today that the barely being able to stay awake things coincided with when the allergy pills were kicking in so now that I know its the damn allergy pills that are putting me to sleep I can get something else that won't do that. I actually fell asleep at work today for about 15 - 20 minutes and luckily no one noticed but falling asleep on the job can get me fired so I'll be switching to some different meds now. Happy day.

Where were you when the world stopped turning?

Recently there has been quite a bit of discussion on the boards for college about 9/11 and if it could have been an inside job. One lady posted a link to a documentary which covers this topic and it does a very good job of making you think that there is a chance that our own government was responsible for 9/11. The documentary is located at www.loosechange911.com. (Beware: this sucker runs for 90 minutes). I honestly don't know what to think about what happened on 9/11. I do know three things:
1) it affected me personally because the US deciding to go after terrorism before it hit us again sent me to a war zone for a year.
2) it made me realize that the US is not the untouchable badass that everyone thought we were
3) I will always remember where I was the day the twin towers came down.

I was on a field exercise in Camp Colburn, Korea. Myself and a few other people from my section were huddled around 1SG's laptop watching the planes hit the towers on CNN. Shortly after our Company Commander called a formation and told us that the United States had been attacked and that we had to pack up immediately and convoy back to Yongsan. Earlier that day I remember thinking how much it sucked to be away from my barracks and stuck on Camp Colbern living in tents and having to eat at a Dining Facility instead of being able to go down and get a burger somewhere. I was only 19 years old at the time and at that point in my life the world was still about me, me, me. 9/11 definitely changed that for me. When I originally joined the Army I thought there would not be a possibility that I would be going to war. I thought I could do my two years which was my original enlistment and get out and go to college with the GI Bill. I know the purpose of joining the Army is to defend the country if need be but when you're that young I think you tend to put things like that in the back of your mind in favor of the things that sound more appealing. When I joined all I could think was I am getting the hell out of Muskegon, I will get to see alot of places I probably would not have been otherwise, and I got a steady paycheck and college money. Going to war was so far down the list it wasn't even a consideration.
I remember that horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when I watched the footage of those planes hitting the towers. Its the same horrible feeling I had when we first touched down in Kuwait 15 months later because I had no idea what to expect. I remember wanting to call home and tell my family that I loved them in case I didn't get the chance again. How many people in those towers and on those planes didn't get the chance to get those last I love you's in? It is hard to believe that one day could give someone such a big dose of reality but I think it did for alot of us. I sincerely hope that the documentary is wrong and the government is not responsible for 9/11. I know the documentary is just one opinion and that different video clips and quotes can be spliced together to make any position look favorable but now that seed of doubt is there. I hope some day they find the truth and are able to punish the people that were responsible for the tragedy whether it be Osama Bin Laden or members of our own government. And I hope we never become as complacent as we once were and can avoid suffering through another 9/11.

So here's the plan...

Been considering two things lately: whether Chris and I should stay in MI or whether we should move after I'm done with school and should I go to graduate school after my bachelors and if so what for and where?

So the consensus between Chris and I is that we both don't want to stay in Michigan for the long term. As I've stated before, I thought this would be a fresh start for me and it turned out not to be. Almost everything that could possibly go wrong for us since moving here has and we both associate our time here with not so pleasant memories which is not a good thing. Add to that that I don't see my friends I do have here and the only family I have here is my dad and my sister, there is really no good reason to stay here for the long term. Now we're pondering things like when should we move. I told Chris I don't want to move until I'm done with my Bachelor's which won't be until September of next year. Since I don't want to move in the winter the earliest we would be moving would be spring of 2009. Most likely the move will be to NY but then we have to sell this house, evaluate our financial situation afterwards and see what kind of living arrangement we can come up with after that. With the housing market in the tank getting rid of this house will not be easy.
Also I mentioned this idea in passing to my dad today (not moving to NY, but just not staying here long term) and it went over like a fart in church. I pointed out that I would have no one here except Shelly after he's gone but still I can tell he's not happy that we might be moving.

The other thing is if I'm going to continue my schooling after this. I want to but not in the Business field. I have been not so seriously researching graduate schools both here and in NY, MA, CT area (basically colleges within 2 hours of Chris' family) and I've found a few I like. I would like to get my master's in history and get into teaching and eventually teach college but on top of my bachelor's I will have to take at least 18 credits (6 classes) of history before most colleges I am looking at will consider me since my BA will not be in history and most of them also have a foreign language requirement. I'm thinking after I'm done with my Bachelor's I will take the required history classes and a few french classes at MCC so I will meet the requirements to get into Grad school. I think this would be best because I can afford MCC without financial aid. Lots to think about. I can't wait until next month's memorial day weekend trip to Chicago where the only thing I'l be thinking about is what tourist attraction to visit and what kind of food I'm in the mood for. I still have a ton of math homework but luckily this instructor is pretty lenient so hopefully I'll get everything I'm missing knocked out tomorrow and be back on track for the remaining 2 weeks. I don't like Trig. It's harder than I thought it would be but I love the geography class. Off to bed I go.

you win some you lose some

The last couple of days have been interesting. Monday morning I woke up at 6 am with heartburn so bad I seriously considered the idea that I might be having a heart attack. I knew this wasn't the case because of where the pain was coming from but still, it hurt like hell. Turns out this was just the beginning of what would be an unpleasant two days. After I was awakened by the heartburn I had a really bad gas sensation in my chest. This sensation kept making me want to burp (you know, to try to relieve the sensation) but everytime I did the burp tasted and smelled like rotten eggs. I felt so horrible that I had Chris call me in sick to work. I felt crappy all day and slept most of the day. Then that night Chris starts throwing up and continues to do so all night long. He called in sick to work on tuesday. I got up and took Chucky to daycare and then since I had used my ONE sick day I had saved up on monday, I took my happy ass to work tuesday morning. I was there for a whopping two hours, still dealing with the general feeling like crap, rot gut stomach, and rotten egg gas when my boss told me to go home. I wrapped up what I was doing and came home two hours after I got to work. About an hour after I got home it was vomitus maximus which actually ended up being a good thing because as soon as I upchucked I felt alot better and the rotten egg burps went away. I still couldn't eat anything for the rest of the day. The next morning I was feeling fine but unfortunately that little episode left me unable to get out of bed much less do my homework for two and a half days so now I am way behind in one class and took some serious hits with my participation in another. I am still not caught up and if I don't turn everything I am missing in tomorrow I won't get any credit for this week's stuff at all.
Also today my dad was trying to dial his lady friend in Gaylord and called me accidentally instead and we ended up getting into it. We haven't made up yet but we've reconciled enough for him to want to come see Chucky tomorrow. Also because I missed part of tuesday I'm making my time up on saturday which sucks because there goes my weekend. My nephew is spending the night over here tomorrow night and my sister is coming to watch Chucky saturday while I go to work. So I've felt like crap all week and I have five billion tons of homework to do in the next two days. I was planning on doing some of it tonight but as of this moment I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open so that ain't gonna happen.
I did have a few things go right this week. I got a $400 refund check from my tire and wheel protection plan on the car from when I hit the pot hole and had to have the two tires I popped replaced. Chris got a raise so that will help a bit and I had a package from Baker College waiting for me when I got home today. I opened it up and inside was my diploma for my associates degree. One degree down, two more to go. And now I must put on my PJs and go to sleep before I fall asleep here, drool all over my trig book and ruin my chances of reselling it on Amazon when I'm done with it.

Past my bedtime :)

Well its been awhile since I've posted so I figured I might as well. I only got like 5 hrs of sleep last night because I had insomnia and stayed up until 4 am watching the movie Panic Room with Jodie Foster (only saw the last half and it was okay). Then even though Chucky went to bed after 11 pm he got me up at 7:15 am. I took a nap the same time he did for about an hour or so but that didn't help because I am still really tired but plagued by the insomnia again so I'm hoping I wear myself out with this post.

Lots of things weighing on my mind lately, the latest blowout with my dad being at the forefront. Today is Easter and its the first year Chucky colored eggs and my dad missed it. Why? Because of a stupid fight where neither of us will concede that the other was in the wrong. What happened: About 2 weeks ago my dad called and asked if we wanted to go out to dinner and that he would buy because it was a couple of days before we got paid and we were out of cash. I said ok but I would have to ask Chris. He asked me to look up the # to the restaurant and call and see what time they closed. Well in between that conversation my sis and her hubby came over, Chucky got all upset (over what I can't remember). Ten minutes after I talked to my dad the 1st time he calls back. I don't answer the phone because my sis is just leaving and I have a screaming toddler I'm trying to deal with. As soon as he leaves the message on my answering machine I pick up the phone and go to call him back only being the impatient person he is, he is already gone and on his way to my house to see why I didn't answer the phone (not out of concern mind you, but because he knows I'm doing something else and can't wait the whopping five minutes it would take for me to call him back). So 10 minutes later he pulls in my drive way and does he come to the door? No. Instead he sits in my driveway and repeatedly blares his car horn until I come to the door. It took me a minute to get there because of Chucky. Well by time I get to the door I'm really pissed because 1) he never seems to understand that I'm not just going to drop whatever I'm doing to deal with him and couldn't wait the five minutes it would have taken me to call him back and 2) because him sitting in the driveway blaring on the horn was rude and embarassing. I have neighbors who already have proven they don't like us so him doing the ghetto ass horn shit in the driveway was NOT helping. So I was pretty short with him when I got to the door. I tell him I couldn't get ahold of Chris to ask him if he even wanted to go and I couldn't find the phone book to call the restaurant. He asked why I didn't answer my phone and I said it was because I was dealing with Chucky and talking to my sister. Admittedly my tone was not friendly (more annoyed than anything) so the conversation ends and he leaves. Well I have no idea anything is wrong until the next day when I realize I haven't heard from him all day and my phone rang and when I picked it up the person either hung up on me or got cut off so I called his house to see if it was him. He said it sure and the hell wasn't him and that he was sick of me being disrespectful and a few other unpleasant things and that he just wouldn't bother my ass anymore. Well not wanting to get in an even bigger argument with him we hung up and he hasn't called or come over since.
I guess on the outside looking in that argument seems like no big deal but this is a culmination of many episodes like this one since we moved up here in July of 2005. One of the main reasons I moved up here was so my dad in his advancing age and declining health would be able to spend time with his grandson while he still can. My brother and sister are older and already settled elsewhere so I wanted to move back here to be around for dad. Well the episodes like the current one started the very first day we were up here when somehow I became a major asshole for asking my dad for the key to my house back because Chris and I didn't want anyone to have a key to our house but us. He said I embarassed him in front of the family members helping us move in and made him feel like I didn't trust him. My thing with the key was that Chris and I are adults and we want our privacy and since its our house we have the right to not give anyone else a key. Well since he was so upset, even though I felt like I did nothing wrong I swallowed my pride and apologized for upsetting him about the key. Since then about every six months he gets pissed at either me or Chris for something and every time its been either me or Chris that has had to suck it up and apologize so things could go back to "normal". Well this time I don't want to have to be the one to suck it up and apologize because we were both wrong only he refuses to see that he did anything wrong at all which is how it usually is. So as usual I'm the asshole. He goes around telling everyone in the family his version and what an asshole I am and then everyone thinks I'm a big idiot. I have just reached that point where I don't want to have to be put in the position to make nice and walk on eggshells all the time just to get along. Thats not the way I want to live my life. The really horrid thing about the whole situation is that everytime he gets mad at me or chris he stops coming over to see Chucky. I told him the last time that we had an argument that this was NOT okay and that eventually Chucky would reach an age where he would be asking why his grandpa doesn't love him anymore because he stopped coming around. I never want my child to think that when things go bad it might have to do with him. He is always the one that gets the short end of the stick when these arguments happen and I'm SICK OF IT. My son will not be treated that way by anyone. Chucky has seen my dad once since the whole argument happened and he used to see him everyday. He isn't of the age where he can vocalize his feelings about why grandpa stopped coming around but I can tell he wonders about it and he asks about him all the time. I just don't get it. No matter how angry Chucky may make me I will never tell him so long, have a nice life and my dad has said that to me more times than I care to count since I've lived up here. Its my job as Chucky's mother to make sure he doesn't get hurt like that. The whole situation bothers me ALOT because I love my dad and I wish things were not like this and I am honestly at a loss for what to do in this situation. If I swallow my pride and apologize AGAIN I set myself up for the same damn thing to happen six months down the road and if I let things stand the way they are eventually one (or both of us) are going to go to our graves with all this animosity between us and with Chucky not having the chance to know his grandfather and I don't want that. I just have no clue what to do.
Well I intended that whole bit to be alot shorter than it was. In other happenings I went to Wrestlemania on April 1st and it was kind of a disappointment and definitely not what I expected. We only got turned around once on the way there and we made really good time. Parking was ridiculous ($20 to park at Ford Field WTF?) Add to that that the tickets themselves were $740 (we had floor seats 16 rows from the ring) and a soda was $6 (this was like a large from McDonalds). Beer (not that I drink it) was $8 a bottle and the merchandise was just as outrageously priced. Seated in front of us were some of the most ignorant people on the planet, of course. First we had "flag guy" who wore the American flag like a cape (I wanted to slug him in the face just for that because IMHO that is completely disrespectful. The symbol of our nation is not meant to be worn.) Several times during the first match he would untie said flag and hoist it over his head. The flag draped down past his shoulders so everytime he did this he would block the view of about 30 people seated behind him. The guy behind me went and asked him nicely to not do this during the matches because we paid good money for our seats to watch the matches, not to stare at his flag. His excuse was "Well everyone in front of me is holding signs up" Well yes, that may be true MORON but when someone holds a sign up you can still see underneath it. When you hold a flag up that falls past your shoulders the people behind you can't see anything. I didn't pay $300 a seat to watch the American flag. I see it every day, thanks. Next there was "pogo stick bimbo" seated two seats away from flag guy. They probably came together. This girl had a huge sign and during the first two matches she would constantly get up and bounce all over the damn place so everyone behind her couldn't see. (Her dumb ass was trying to get on TV). The people in the area where I was sitting screamed at her to sit down. She ignored us. Then we all screamed sit the fuck down. She ignored us. Then we all screamed sit the fuck down you dumb bitch and she ignored us so we got security to threaten to throw her out if she didn't sit her ass down because at this point me and everyone seated in front of me, in back of me, and along side me was ready to run up there, tear her sign to shreds and kick her teeth down her throat. Finally she sat her happy ass down and we were able to see. The first match was the money in the bank match which included a move gone wrong that took Jeff Hardy and Edge out of the match. Edge was carried out on a stretcher and Jeff Hardy was laying there with a big pool of blood around his head. Mr. Kennedy won that one which I didn't like because I was rooting for Matt Hardy. Next was the Kane vs Great Kahli match which Kane lost (another disapointment because I was rooting for Kane). It irritates me when Kahli wins because he has no wrestling ability at all. He just uses his size to win. The Chris Benoit vs MVP match for the US championship ended with Benoit retaining the title which is good because I'm a big rabid wolverine fan. The women's championship match went as expected with Melina retaining the title. I don't like Melina but I knew she would win because even though I like Ashley, Melina's wrestling ability is far superior and Ashley needs to put on a few lbs. You can see the girl's ribs which is nasty. Someone a couple rows in front of me had a sign that said "Ashley can't wrestle but you should see her box" alluding to her pictorial in April's issue of Playboy (she was the covergirl). Also I thought this was supposed to be a Lumber Jill match but I think one of them only got thrown out of the ring once so the only purpose of the divas outside of the ring was to stand there and look pretty until the match ended and they all had their huge catfight for no other reason than to let the male audience members see as much T & A as possible before moving on to the next match. Battle of the Billionaires was freakin' awesome. It was my first time seeing Stone Cold Steve Austin as he was the guest referee. Of course Vince tried to cheat and conveniently Stone Cold got a Samoan Spike from Umaga allowing Vince to do just that and almost get away with it. With Stone Cold out of commission, Shane McMahon inserted himself as referee, gave Bobby Lashley a coast to coast and it seemed like everything was wrapped up for Vince with a tidy little bow until two things happened: Donald Trump (my new hero) finally had enough of Vince trying to cheat, ran around the ring and clotheslined Vince to the floor and dotted him in the eye a few times and Stone Cold revived just in time to give Shane and Umaga stunners allowed Bobby Lashley (whom I think is an awesome wrestler and a former Army Sergeant) to pick up the win and Vince to get his head shaved. The BEST match of the night was the World Heavyweight Championship match between Batista and the Undertaker. I knew the Undertaker would keep his streak alive but I felt horribly bad for Batista because the crowd was really booing him. I don't think it was a dislike of Batista so much as all of wanting to see the Undertaker win. I really like Batista but seeing the Undertaker win was something special. They had an ECW Originals vs New Breed match which was the least interesting of the night to me because I don't watch ECW although I really like Bobby Lashley (because he's former Army) and Rob Van Dam (because he's from MI). The Originals won which is good because I didn't know who anyone from the new breed was and I knew every one of the originals. The main event match (John Cena vs HBK) was the hugest disappointment for me of all. First of all I was wearing a John Cena shirt to the event even though I was for HBK because the HBK shirt I have was too small and Hot Topic didn't have any HBK shirts so I already felt like a big dork wearing the shirt of the guy I wasn't rooting for. Then Cena somehow ends up putting Shawn in the STFU not once but twice and HBK ended up losing the match which the Detroit crowd was NOT happy about because like me, they were clearly pro-HBK. It was a sucky way to end the night because HBK is my favorite and I really wanted him to win. I think they didn't let him win because Triple H is coming back at Summerslam and Shawn being champ would get in the way of the whole DX angle but COME ON! Compared to other Wrestlemanias this one had to have the least number of title changes of any of them. Other good things about Wrestlemania: the Aretha Franklin opener was cool, seeing the hall of fame class of 07' (Yay for JR and the King!) was also cool and the bonus match with Flair and Carlito before the show started was a nice surprise since I had hoped they would find a way to make Ric part of Wrestlemania. What was not so good besides those things already mentioned: they said that there would be enough giant TVs that you would be able to see no matter where you were sitting. What they failed to mention was that there would be all kinds of equipment hanging above the ring that would almost completely obstruct the view of those giant monitors. If people were standing and we couldn't see the ring we had to turn around and look at the monitor behind us to see what was going on. Another thing: the seats were microscopic. We were packed in there like sardines. My husband took up his seat and half of mine because he's so big. If I am paying $300+ for a seat I expect to have enough room where I am not half in the lap of the stranger next to me (cuz he smelled like he forgot the deodorant) and those bitches were uncomfortable too (hard plastic for 6 hrs....yay.) Also I had thought we would be able to hear what the announcers were saying since we were in the arena but we couldn't hear them at all. The commentary given by the announcers is what adds life to the matches so how hard would it have been to hook up some audio so those of us in the audience could hear the announce teams. What in the hell is the point of introducing the announcers at the beginning of the show if we didn't hear one word from them for the entire thing?! The last bad thing: What was up with the entrances? In past years WWE has pulled out all the stops on the Superstar's entrances for the Wrestlemania matches. Apparently DETROIT is too much of a hole in the wall to spend the cash for some awesome entrances. With the exception of John Cena's entrance of driving into Ford Field in a souped up Mustang and crashing through a glass barrier the entrances were like the everyday crap you see on a live taping of Raw or Smackdown. Compared to past Wrestlemanias like the Cena vs Triple H match where Triple H came up through the floor in a barbarian king costume on a throne and John Cena came in with a gangster theme, the entrances this year sucked big sweaty balls and were a huge disappointment. I expected much much more. So that was Wrestlemania. Battle of the Billionaires and the World Heavyweight Championship match were the only things that made it worthwhile otherwise I would label it a complete loss and a waste of $750. We didn't end up getting back home until almost 4 am and I had to be to work at 9 that morning. Needless to say I was exhausted and trying to catch up on my sleep for the rest of the week.

Completely making up for the lackluster Wrestlemania experience was the fact that Krista was home from Mar 28th - Apr 5th and we got to hang out several times while she was here and catch up. Unfortunately since Muskegon is such a dead town we ended up going out to eat alot and we saw Meet the Robinsons which was a cute but predictable movie. I took her to my fave chinese place in GR and we ended up eating once at Johnny Carinos. On her last full day here, we picked up Kev and went to Famous India where she gave us a crash course in Indian food (looks disgusting, tastes surprisingly good although the dish I brought home to Chris he deemed disgusting and promptly tossed in the trash). I am really glad she came home because I needed to get out of the house and do things with another adult. Its so easy to forget to have "me time" when you're a parent. Also I've come to realize that true friends are the ones where you can go years without seeing them and the next time you do you can pick up where you left off like you just saw them yesterday. I count Krista among a handful of people that are true friends. Also she bought Chucky a book to keep him quiet in Meijers, and she brought me a Klingon keychain from a Trek convention which adds to her awesomeness because she didn't have to do either. Awhile back I was trying to plan a reunion for the old friend group but I didn't get much of response and different plans got in the way but I think I'm going to try this again and shoot for next summer and see if it works this time because I think we would all have a great time together. Also if I can I'm going to try to visit Krista in Philly before the end of the year so I won't have to wait another 2 yrs to see her and so I can finally meet Sarah and the cats and also because I've never been to Philly. Hopefully I can work something out where I can do this.
Obviously I shouldn't go so long between posts so they don't get this long! I started two new classes last thursday-Trigonometry and Western Geography both of which I like so far. I got a little behind in the trig class with everything going on but I'll be caught up and hopefully get a little bit ahead tomorrow (or actually later today since it is 2:30 am on Easter Sunday. We went out to eat at Applebees tonight since I got my $400 refund for my car repairs (which is half of what I paid considering the fees I paid for the rental car SUCK). Then we came home and helped Chucky color Easter Eggs for the first time. He did a really good job. I can't wait to hide them all for him after he wakes up and can't wait to see his face when he finds his Easter basket. I took a bunch of pics of him coloring eggs which I should be sending out tomorrow sometime. Well it is late and this is by far the longest post I have EVER written so I think I'm going to go to bed now. Happy Easter to all who happen across this blog.

A short list

I give you the top 5 movies you should watch if you should ever forget just how great your friends are:

1. Beaches
2. Now and Then
3. Thelma and Louise
4. Fried Green Tomatoes
5. The Adventures of Milo and Otis

Because I said so, so there!

Schedules

I've been thinking lately and I think what will help me tremendously with several problems is if I put myself on a schedule. I think part of the reason I feel like I'm getting clobbered by life repeatedly is because it seems everything is coming at me all at once. Maybe if I inserted some semblance of order into my life it wouldn't seem all that bad. So far I'm thinking 0700 will be the start of my day except on weekends. 0700-0745 will be my treadmill time and I will run/walk on that sucker a minimum 5 days a week until I am 40 lbs lighter and wearing between a 6 and an 8 (not an unrealistic goal since I was a size 3 before pregnancy/weight gain). That will take care of several health related issues right there. 0745-0815 will be get ready for work time. 0815-0845 will be my commute to work. 0845-1645 will be work (can't really schedule this out since my level of work to do and business varies daily). 1645 - 1715 my commute to the daycare to pick up Chucky. 1715 - 2100 will be Chucky/Chris time. So I don't have to stress about dinner I think I'm going to start premaking three meals on sunday and we can have them monday - wednesday. Thursday and friday chris can take care of. 2100 - midnight will be homework time and after that bed. The schedule seems simple enough but the hard part will be sticking to it no matter what becuase sometimes I don't get the help I need from Chris and that throws everything off.

I think I am going to do schedules for the weekend too. I can sit down with Chris and we can figure out what we both need to do and schedule it in to the weekend. I have always been one of those people that keeps my life ordered with post-its and to do lists and I much prefer order to the chaos I have now.

I have been feeling alot better since the last post. Also I have Wrestlemania to go to on April 1st with Chris and a family trip to Chicago planned on memorial day weekend. Chris and Chucky are going to NY either the first or last week of June. I'm thinking I need a break. Krista suggested that I need to be a little selfish and take care of myself for once and I think a step in that direction would be just going somewhere by myself for a three or four day weekend (maybe 4th of July weekend?) and just let Chris hold down the fort while I go relax somewhere. Problem: I have no idea where I would want to go and if I would be willing or we could afford to pay for me to go somewhere for three nights. Suggestions anyone? Well guess I better get back to the homework. I am actually ahead in my algebra class for once and I am plugging away at the test but am stuck on a problem so I thought I'd take a break and make a post. Back to work now though....

Worst Luck

Whatever happened to the luck of the irish? I'm irish dammit and I've got to be the unluckiest person to walk the face of the planet (well maybe not that bad, but still). I am really depressed about the way things are going with my classes. Right now I am earning a B in both of them. The intermediate algebra class is whats really bothering me because I have a very strict teacher that really is not willing to work with her students at all. Last week I had the 10 point project due that I worked on for about 3 hours but since I forgot to post it to both locations and posted it to just the one I lost credit on the whole thing. I got sick two days later and missed the math test for that week so there goes 20 points for that week. Illness is not something I can control. My head was pounding so bad I couldn't even stay awake. I try to get all my stuff done as early as possible but I work full time and I have a two year old and a household to take care of so its not easy to get everything done early in case something happens the day an assignment is due even though I try.
This week was even worse than last week. My son got sick with a fever on friday. When I took his temperature friday is it was 101.7. I gave him tylenol which helped a little and the daycare was giving him motrin which seemed to help a little but as soon as they wore off the fever was back with a vengeance. When I woke up saturday morning I took his temperature because he felt really hot and he had a temperature of 103.2 so I had to take him into the emergency room. They were really concerned about how high his temperature was so they wanted to take a urine sample and do chest x-rays. Well the chest x-rays went fine but he couldn't "do pee pee in the potty" for the urine sample so they had to take his urine with a catheter which was very painful for him. He was screaming the whole time they were doing it and I felt very bad for him. They said he had a viral infection and sent us home. That night I decided I was going to make him brownies to make him feel better and I started to mix everything but realized that chris had used the last of the oil so I had to go to the store to go get some. Well on my way back from the store as luck would have it I hit one of those famous MASSIVE michigan potholes and popped both of my tires on the passenger side of my car. Being that it was late saturday night and nothing was open then or all day sunday, and because my car is new and has an uncommon kind of tire, we couldn't find the tires we needed to replace the ones that popped so now I have to wait til tomorrow and take it to the dealership and have my dad get up at the ass crack of dawn to follow me to the dealership to make sure I make it there on the two spare tires we have on the car and then he gets the joy of driving me all the way to Grand Rapids so I don't miss work and my ass doesn't get fired from my job.
So in the last two weeks my grades have taken a nose dive for reasons mostly out of my control, I got sick, my son got sick, and I damaged my car costing us to spend even more money we couldn't afford to. I'm starting to wonder if it can get any worse. What next? Am I going to step inadvertently walk in front of a bus tomorrow or something?
I like to think that under normal circumstances I am a glass half full person but life is just kicking the crap out of me lately and I have this feeling that I am on the verge of a massive meltdown. I almost had one today. I have no outlet for the stress I am under, nowhere for the anger to go and I just don't know what to do anymore. I have had problems with depression since I got back from Iraq. I actually had the thought today that I don't care if I get better anymore. As long as I am functioning well enough to be a good mother to my son thats all I care about. The rational side of me tells me that hell no, that is not good enough because I have always been the person that wants to be good at everything but the emotional side of me is waving the white flag right now. I am scared to go see the VA for help because I'm scared if I do they'll want to put me on medication and I don't want to be on any medication. Even if I did agree to being on medication, I suck at remembering to take it anyway which is why after the pregnancy I asked for the Depo shot as opposed to the pill because with that you only have to remember to do it every three months and the pill is daily and I knew I would forget. Of course that was really stupid in hindsight because the Depo shot is 50% of the reason that I'm fat (the other 50% being that I can't find time to exercise like I should).
I just hope things get better but I've spent years now hoping things will get better and the optimistic side of me is dying a little more everytime something else goes wrong. My last couple of posts have been pretty negative lately. I'll have to remember next time to post something lighter and isn't so soul suckingly depressing. Someone remind me to do this.

it's beena long day, always ain't that right......

First I'd like to start this post by saying that I thought this pic of Krista rocking out to White and Nerdy with the Spock picture was freakin' awesome. That made me smile in a week that has been less than stellar. It just has not been a good week, not that anything has gone majorly wrong but its just a bunch of little things combined that have made for a pretty craptacular week.

Saturday Chris and I took Chucky to his first circus (that would be the Shrine Circus that comes to the LC Walker Arena in Muskegon every year because I am too damn cheap to pay $28 per ticket to go see Barnum & Bailey's). The show itself was alright and Chucky really liked it although some of the noise scared him. I took us all to the circus on the money that was sent to me for my birthday figuring I'd be nice and it would only be $21 so no big deal. Well we decided to let Chucky ride a few of the animals there which you needed tickets for. I figured no big deal, we would buy him a couple of tickets because it couldn't be that much. Well I made the mistake of handing Chris all of my birthday money and he went to buy the tickets. Well he didn't bother to ask where the money came from so he bought Chucky 4 tix at $6 each out of MY BIRTHDAY $$$. When I told him he just spent half the money I got for my birthday he goes "oh i thought you pulled that from the account" I'm thinking fool, when do we ever have money like that in our bank account to just pull out? So my birthday present this year was taking Chucky to a mediocre circus. Now it would have been a great family outing except for one thing (and if you don't consider yourself a patriot, then maybe this is where you should stop reading..). Before the show started they had us all get up, face the flag and say the Pledge of Allegiance. While everyone is reciting the pledge the stupid bastard behind me, instead of saying the correct words is making comments to the effect of "and to the republic which doesn't like black men, one nation, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all black men" WTF?? Now if there is one way to piss me off to the point where I will turn around and punch you in your ugly ass face, its to be disrespectful while singing the National Anthem or saying the Pledge. Freedom of speech! you say. He should be able to say whatever he wants! Um no he shouldn't. I am a former Soldier of the United States Army. I went to war for this country with some good people who unfortunately did not make it back for your right to sit there and say some ignorant ass shit like you did while saying the pledge so you could impress your girlfriend who looked like someone took the biggest pig on the farm they could find, the ghetto-est creature they could find, and the cream of the trailer park trash crop and fused them together to make her. I hope it was worth it to you to completely disrespect all of the people who have fought for this country in the past and all of the people that are over there with their asses on the line now so you could get a few laughs out of swamp thing. And by the way, thanks for letting your bratty ass little crumbsnatcher kick my seat for the entire show. So with that being said, let everyone be forewarned that you do not want to sit next to me at a football game, circus, wrestling show or anywhere else where they will play the National Anthem or recite the Pledge and say anything but the words that are supposed to be said because I am the crazy ass bitch with PTSD from the war that will stalk your ass and run you down in the parking lot for that type of disrespect. This goes for all flag burners, people who won't shut the fuck up when the National Anthem is being played and the people who won't remove their hats either. This is America baby. You say its your right to say what you want when it comes to the flag and the pledge and the anthem? I say its my right to knock your teeth down your throat in response. You don't like that then move your ass to Canada. Okay I'm done now.

On to the rest of my week. I'm still really tired and I had planned on going to sleep early tonight but it just didn't happen as usual. Chris did not get home tonight until 9pm and Chucky fell asleep waiting for him to get home. I have been doing relatively well in my math class until monday when a project that was worth 10 pts was due and I had it done in time but you're required to post it to two different places and I only posted it to one so I get no points even though I did all the work and I can prove that I did have it done on time. The teacher I have for this class is good but she is a REALLY strict grader which makes the class more difficult. I emailed her and explained my mistake and she said she couldn't give me any points on it because it wouldn't be fair to other students who had made the same mistake. So apparently we're not allowed stupid human errors every once in awhile. On top of that we're moving from the office we currently occupy at work to the one right next door which is bigger. They have been getting the new office ready for us for the past two days and they have been painting in there. Since my desk is right by the door of our current office I have been smelling paint fumes and coming home with monster headaches and a sour stomach for the past two days from the smell. They won't open doors or windows to ventilate because it is balls cold outside and would make the whole building cold. Because of said monstrous headache yesterday I came home yesterday feeling like crap, fell asleep to try to get rid of the headache, didn't wake up til right before 11 pm and didn't have time to finish my math test and turn it in. Since she accepts no late assignments at all I also missed the 10 points for the test this week. So I went from an A in the class to a B if I'm lucky by not getting credit for the one assignment and missing the other one. At least the other class is going okay. I think I'll end up with an A- in that one. I just have to come up with my paper topic in the next couple of days and I have no idea what I want to write a seven page paper on.

Also adding to my week of misery was the fact that my husband forgot to put our pug in his cage before he went to work yesterday so the dumb little mutt had free run of the house until my dad got there to let him out 5 hours later and he peed and pooped all over our house. I didn't find the last pile until I went to put Chucky to bed that night and stepped in it WITH BARE FEET.

Lately too what has added to my feeling down is that sometimes I get the feeling that concerning our life here I'm in the fight alone because I don't get the support I need from Chris. He works full time and I work full time. Granted I work set hours and he works shitty hours but when he gets home its a fight to the death to get him to help me with Chucky. He argues me to death about how he shouldn't have to wash him up when he's in the tub or change his diaper or put him to bed because he just got home and wants to relax. I point out to him that when I got home I didn't get to relax because I had to take care of Chucky. He also argues with me CONSTANTLY about cleaning the house. Every day he says he'll clean the kitchen up before he leaves in the morning and every night when I get home the kitchen is still in a huge mess and the rest of the house is exactly like it was when I left. He thinks cleaning it up really good one day on the weekend is good enough. I can't stand having a dirty house. He argues with me over whose turn it is to make dinner. We're supposed to be taking turns but there are some nights where he just goes "I'm not making dinner" and he expects me to make Chucky's dinner and find something for myself. Also he has no involvement in paying our bills. I take care of all of our finances. I have often thought of handing the financial reigns over to him just so he can see how stressful it is to have to budget and pay the bills but if I did this even for a short period I have this fear that our bills would go unpaid and we would be in financial ruin in no time. Its never a good feeling to feel unsupported by your partner. When we are not fighting and we are getting along its great but sometimes I just get so damn sick of feeling like the relationship is lopsided and the pressure is on me. Maybe its the depression and PTSD thats making me feel this way, I don't know but I hate it and I wish we could change it but it takes two people to make a change and I think both of us are too stubborn to budge.

Well if this post hasn't been all over the place. I have even more to write but I also need to go to bed. You know, that work thing in the morning......

Sleep? What is this word, sleep?

That is basically how I have felt all week. Its been crazy for me for a variety of reasons. Work has been really slow lately which gives me alot of free time to do homework while I'm there. All week long I've been able to get everything done I need to by noon or 1pm and then do a few homework assignments in between answering the phones. When I get home though, its a different story. Chris has been sick all week which means no help with Chucky, the dogs, cleaning the house, cooking, or anything else that needed to be done this week. On top of that I haven't been able to fall asleep until around 1 or 2 am every morning and then I get up at 7:30 and do the whole thing all over again. I hope he feels better soon because I really need this weekend to catch up on my sleep. On the plus side I'll be catching up on that sleep in our brand new bed which arrived today. Its SOOOO soft.

Oh yeah, I made it through my 25th birthday and thanks to all who sent me birthday wishes. I actually had a decent birthday for once. I got the bag I wanted and I got my traditional pineapple upside down cake that my dad always makes me. I also got to go eat dinner at my favorite chinese place so all was good.

I'm trying to decide right now if I want to continue working on my degree 1 class the first term and 2 classes the 2nd term for the quarters or if I want to do two classes both terms of a quarter. If I do the 1 and 2 combo I'll graduate with my bachelor's in Feb of 09. If I do the 2 and2 combo I'll graduate with my bachelors September of next year. I do want to graduate the earlier date but that means risking burning myself out even more than I am now and I don't know if I could do that. I really like the classes I'm taking now though. I'm in intermediate algebra and POL201a American Political Systems. I'll be done with those in 3.5 more weeks and then its on to western geography and trigonometry. Oooh the excitement. I was going to write more but I am really tired so I think I'm going to try to go to bed early for once (well early for me, anyway....)

Mission Accomplished

No I did not just prematurely declare an end to the war in Iraq (cough, cough, President Bush, cough). I am referring to my grade in the psychology class. I did pass it (barely) and I will be retaking it during the 2nd half of spring quarter so it does not completely tank my GPA.

My dad did the unexpected today and called to ask if he could take Chucky out for a couple of hours so we said sure and while they were gone Chris and I went shopping for a new bed. I'm sure I've mentioned it in other posts that Chris is a big behemoth of a man. If not there it is. He is quite big. Well we currently have a queen size bed which would usually be adequate for most couples but definitely not for us. He takes up most the bed which is bad enough but he makes claims of "poor circulation" which he says makes him uncomfortable and causes him to roll all over the bed all night. I usually have about a foot and a half of space to sleep in because of this. That was all fine and dandy when we first got married and I was a size 3 but I am definitely not that small anymore and I am tired of sleeping like crap. The color under my eyes is a lovely shade of purple which I try to hide with makeup so I don't scare people. I've reached the point where I'm tired of looking and feeling like a corpse so dammit we are getting a new bed. I'm sure I'm not the only one to have a sleeping partner I'm incompatible with. We're getting a king size. Moving up in the world we are.

I've decided as of late that I want to start reading again. Maybe not as much as I used to because I just don't have time for that. I used to be holed up in my room all day long some days when I was younger and back then I'd be able to get through 2 300 page books a day. I would also stay up until 2 am reading and then get up at 7 for school with no problems. I just can't do that anymore. I would like to fit it somewhere in my schedule to be able to read at least one book a month, textbooks for college not counting of course. I don't think this is too overambitious so hopefully I can do it. Just for giggles here is a list of some of my all time favorite books:

1. The phantom tollbooth by norton juster. Our teacher made us read this in 6th grade. By the time she made us read it I had already read it at least 10 times. Still have a copy of it in my basement somewhere

2. The Egypt Game by zilpha keatly snyder. Read this one mulitple times as a kid too.

3. Imzadi by Peter David. Every Trekkie worth their salt has a favorite Trek novel and this one was it for me. A trek love story. I first read this back when I had a crush on Jonathan Frakes who played Commander Riker. Krista decided one morning in 7th grade that it would be hilarious to draw a picture of leapord print underwear and put Cdr Rikers pic in the middle so when I opened my locker that morning it would pop out at me.

4. Roots by Alex Haley. This book was just amazing. Even better was Queen also by Alex Haley. Both were made into a miniseries, neither of which even came close to comparing to the books.

5. The Stand by Stephen King. I think this is the most popular (and possibly the longest) book he's ever written. I love me some Stephen King books.

6. Wanderlust by Danielle Steel. I've read alot of her books but this one is my favorite because its the first one I ever read.

7. Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell. This is my all time favorite movie. Seeing the movie made me wish I was alive in the era when Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh were big stars. The book was even better. The follow up book Scarlett by Alexandra Ripley was awesome too.

8. The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory. She is a great writer. I heard they are making this book into a movie starring Scarlet Johannsen. This author started my current love affair with historical fiction books.

9. I love anything written by Michael Connelly but my favorite in the Harry Bosch series is the Concrete Blonde. Don't know why but I just really liked that one for some reason.

10. Last but certainly not least on this list is Pride and Prejudice. I think we read this one in school and I know we watched the movie. I liked all of Jane Austen's books I have read so far but by far this one is my favorite.

And now that I have shown my true nerd colors by posting that list, I think I will go do me some homework before I get too tired.

Praying for a passing grade

Well I did all I could to resuscitate my psychology grade during the last week of class. Now its just waiting to see if I passed it or not. I had a really difficult time with it because i have been burnt out and exhausted for weeks now and I just couldn't do the late nights to get the homework done. There will be consequences if I do not pass the class because my schooling is paid for by the VA and if I don't show "progress" in my degree then they can stop my benefits and it may take awhile to get them started again so here's hoping I passed the class. If I did I'm planning on retaking it again the coming quarter so I can get the higher grade to boost my GPA back up. Yesterday I started two new classes: American Political Systems and Intermediate Algebra. Wierd thing is I feel such a big sense of relief from having finished the psychology class that it gave me alot of motivation to start these two classes off on the right foot. Hopefully I can keep that going for the next six weeks.

Not much going on otherwise. I have been sick with a cold this week. It started out as a sore throat. Once the sore throat got better my nose got all plugged and my ears started hurting because my sinuses are draining. I'm hoping this goes away soon because I'm tired of feeling like my head weighs 30 lbs and I hate having that feeling in my nose like I'm going to sneeze and I never do.
I have monday off and I'm planning on sleeping in til at least 10am every day this weekend. I stayed up til 4am thursday morning to finish my psychology paper and then I got up and got ready for work at 7:30. I haven't quite caught up on the missed sleep yet. Gonna get some homework done before I go to bed. TTFN.

Randomness as Usual

So my 25th birthday is coming up in 10 days. Is it sad when you look forward to a birthday because your car insurance is going to go down? Yet another example of how I am a far cry from the person I was just 5 years ago. I don't really look forward to birthdays all that much. When I was little my dad used to have a birthday party for me every year. When I got into my tween and teen years though since my dad and stepmother were both working I would come home to some birthday cards and a pineapple upside down cake (my dad makes me one every year) on the table and that was that. This year I don't want much. I just mainly like cash these days so I can get myself new clothes. I am one of those people who doesn't have a huge wardrobe, just about 5 or 6 outfits that are in heavy rotation all the time so they tend to get worn out faster. My dad said he is getting me a cell phone for emergencies which is definitely something I need because I have a 70 mile roundtrip commute to and from work every day and if something happens during that time I have no way to get ahold of anyone.
Last year I slid off the road at 70 mph, slammed into a road sign and skidded to a stop about a foot from a big tree. I walked up to the road and some lady was nice enough to stop and pick me up and give me a ride to a gas station so I could call Chris and have him come get me. So the cell phone will definitely help if a situation like that happens again.
I used to be one of those people that oohed and aahed over things with designer labels but I've never owned anything designer in my entire life. JC Penney is about as high end as I go shopping for clothes and I don't have a problem with that. This year though there is one item that is designer that I would just love for my birthday and I can't afford it. There are 3 bags that are designed by Dooney & Bourke. I want either a medium banana bag, a saddle bag, or a pocket sac all in denim. Those suckers retail for between $195 - $300. Well for the past week I've been bidding on brand new ones on ebay and every single time I've been outbid because I can't bid more the $90 on it. Hopefully sometime before my birthday I'll win one. Thats all I really want for my birthday this year besides saving whatever money I get for the trip to Chicago in May.

Today is going to be busy for me. I had to work yesterday to make up for monday when I stayed home sick because I completely misunderstood the sick leave policy that the company that took over my contract has. Today I have A TON of homework but I am planning on laying down for an hour or two before I start it. I was planning on sleeping in til about 11 this morning but Chucky woke me up at 9:20 this morning because he wanted to see his daddy and Chris was downstairs on his STUPID computer game again and didn't hear him get up. I swear this happens to me every single sunday. Sunday is my designated day to sleep in. Either Chucky ends up waking me up because he can't find chris and he wants his oatmeal or somebody forgets that I asked that they not call before NOON on sundays and the phone ends up waking me up. And every time they say "Oh, I thought you'd be up by now". Um, no and i've told you 5 hundred billion times not to call here this early because I WILL BE SLEEPING STILL. No, this doesn't piss me off, not in the least bit.... Anyway I don't want to start the homework when I'm still feeling tired because around 11 pm I will be hit with a wave of exhaustion and won't be able to work anymore and I don't want that to happen.

Unfortunately when I wrote a week or two ago that I had to catch up on the homework for my psychology class or I would probably fail, well that never happened. Now its the last week of class and it really is do or die because the class ends wednesday and considering almost everything has been late I probably won't pass it anyway. I'm going to try like hell though. My goal is to get the D to pass so I can sign up to take it again spring quarter. If I don't pass it this time then I get in deep dookie with the VA, possibly with them cutting my funding until the certifying official at the school tells them to re-enroll me and who knows how long that will take? Oh the messes I get myself into sometimes but I've been feeling SOO EXHAUSTED lately and on top of that the first week of class was when my old computer took a crap and I had to get a new one and the fifth week of class chucky, chris and I were sick. I'll work it out hopefully.

So, I have a whole lot of stuff that I need to sell. I just need to decide where I'm going to sell it. I could do EBAY where the most people would see my stuff or I could do Craigslist because thats free. Right now I have my extra set of wrestlemania tickets posted on Craigslist and Stubhub for $200 so hopefully they sell. I'm sure I could make a good chunk of cash if I could just find the time to list all the stuff. One thing I did purchase recently from amazon was Quicken Willmaker 2007. Krista's girlfriend Sarah did a post about it and although I wanted it for different reasons, I think its a good thing to get because we can't afford an attorney to do one either. I discussed this with Chris about a week ago and we both agreed that we needed to get this done soon because if something happens to both of us and there is no will, the state of michigan is going to decide what happens to our son and I DO NOT want that to happen. It should get here sometime next week. Hopefully I can set down with my dad and do up his will too so he has it in writing what he wants done. I think if we do that if will give peace of mind to both of us.

I also started Chris' 401k plan through his work this past week. I did a little research and found out that I cannot start one with my place of employment until I've been with the new contractors for a year. Since I don't want to wait a whole year to start my retirement savings because my goal was to start that this year, and I don't have $2500 to dump into and IRA or $200 a month to contribute to one, I need to do some research sometime today to find out what I want to invest in for my retirement. I'm finally getting the feeling that we're on the right track. After I get my tax check the only debt we will have is the house, the timeshare, and the payment for my car which I only owe $5,000 on.

I've been thinking alot lately about what's going to happen when my dad is gone and I think there are going to be big changes in store for me and my family when that happens. He is really the only tie that is holding me here in Muskegon. When I moved back here in July of 2005 I was hoping for a fresh start but that fresh start kind of sputtered out before it began. Nothing really changed for Chris and I but our location and thats not what I wanted. So I've been thinking lately, is there really any reason to stay here once he's gone? The only person I will miss if I left would be my sister and I can't stay here just because of her although I know it would upset her a great deal if we were to leave because she would miss Chucky. We've both been considering selling this house and my dads if something happens to him and moving to NY. It would be quite the upheaval for all of us and we'd really have to think on it but I'm confident I can find a job through the state or a federal job that would pay me at least as much as I'm making now and by the time something does happen to my dad (God forbid but its going to happen sometime in the future)I should be done with my Bachelors and working on either a 2nd bachelor's or a Master's degree. Lots to mull over anyway. And now for that power nap...........